


It's My Right to be Hellish

by sunshinejade



Series: asynchronous [3]
Category: Produce 101 (TV), The Unit: Idol Rebooting Project (TV), X1 (Korea Band)
Genre: Abandoned Work - Unfinished and Discontinued, Friends to Lovers, Jealousy, Super Angst, and they're super protective, but the make up so it's good, chapter one is a little bit angsty, chapter two is the bad kind of jealous, dohyon loves hangyul hyung, hints at suwoong, im sorry this is sad, lots of people love hangyul, ryounseungcat mad, seungyoun is jealous, soft seungyul, soft yohangyul, the unit hyungs, wooseok and sihun are smart, yohangyul are bff goals
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-10
Updated: 2020-06-01
Packaged: 2020-10-14 04:46:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 35,406
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20594936
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunshinejade/pseuds/sunshinejade
Summary: A series of times Seungyoun gets jealous during his journey to admit and accept his feelings for HangyulSet after- Do I Always Smile Like That If You're Around?- It's Hard For Me To SayI KNOW I SAID ID FINISH IT BEFORE THE ANNIVERSARY BUT I DONT THINK ANYONE IS READING AND I DONT WANT TO RUSH AN ENDING JUST SO I CAN GET IT OVER WITH. SO YEAH WILL WRITE IT LATER RATHER THAN SOONER.DISCONTINUED





	1. I Said There Is No Reason For My Fear - Kijung / IM

**Author's Note:**

> Dohyon is jealous. Seungyoun is jealous too.  
Dohyon can handle it with maturity, Seungyoun wants to be like that too.  
Dohyon gets over it with logic, Seungyoun only gets more depressed.

_I said there is no reason for my fear_   
_'Cause I feel so secure when we're together._

* * *

Cho Seungyoun is over that emo phase that for a second had him thinking he likes Lee Hangyul.

_Stupid phase._ He thinks because sure he cares about him deeply but he wouldn’t go as far as saying he likes him. He doesn’t really have a reason to, they’re just friends.

So yeah, he’s over that, kinda. He thinks so at least.  
He would definitely be over that, he tells himself, if he had a way to let it all out. Talk about what made him feel the way he felt and so on.  
Like, you know, admit it, process it, validate it, move on from it.

But Seungyoun isn’t that kind of person. He can talk about tangible problems and worries and stress (Seungwoo and Wooseok can testify to that) but feelings… well, that was his business alone and it was kinda strange to try to find a solution by explaining how he feels cause ninety per cent of the time he’s not sure how he feels. Like macro-emotions are fine: I’m happy, I’m sad, I’m angry, I’m stressed, I’m excited.

But how do you explain and find the cause of ‘I’m kind of jealous but in a platonic way because I feel like my roommate whom I avoided for almost three weeks but now I made up with is getting closer to another mutual friend of ours with whom by the way I’m also getting close, and I feel left out which is ridiculous cause they both seem to enjoy professing how much they like me and I keep trying to get used to the idea of not being that important to a friend A even though it hurts me and when all hints lead to him caring about me because I’m scared about caring for him more than he cares for me’?

Maybe he needs a psychologist. And maybe he’s not completely over that story either.

He’s over the jealousy, that’s for sure. Because in retrospection maybe he didn’t have a reason nor a right to be jealous, to begin with, so logically he wasn’t, and that sounds reasonable enough in his own ears, so he buys that. (And also because he childishly told himself that those touches were soft, sure, but eyes were the windows to the soul and Hangyul never looked at anyone the way he looks at him.)

But he’s still kinda upset because thinking back on it, what was the deal with Hangyul anyway?

He had no reason, the all-rounder repeated loudly in his brain, no reason to just casually send Seungyoun to his - _their_ \- room, they could have easily spent the day the three of them.

So, he decides, although the green ugly monster was uncalled for that he had every right to be mad.  
Not that he’s mad anymore, to be clear. He’s never too good at being angry with the younger boy because he’s always so oblivious and he always smiles so lovingly at him that it’s hard to hold it against him.  
Just admitting, processing and validating the fact that he had had reasons to be put off with Hangyul.

Like he has reasons to be mad now.

They’re on break for the holidays.   
Barely eight days and two of them are already gone in a flash, but he’s just happy he gets to be with his family for some time. And it’s not like he’s missing the boys much with the fact that distance is actually making their group chat somewhat more active. His mom tells him the night before that she has some things to take care of and that Seungyoun has the following day to himself. So he makes plans.

To be honest, a part of him thinks about giving a heads-up call, but he also wants it to be a surprise so in the end he just takes his car first thing in the morning and drives to Icheon.

The trip to Dohyon’s hometown takes less than expected because the highway is lifeless at six in the morning, so he gets there by eight, stops to grab a coffee and a muffin for his favourite donsaeng and quickly makes his way to the address he once saw on a box for the maknae.

He’s planning on kidnapping the boy for the day since he had mentioned being bored and that Hangyul meant to pick him up for lunch and entertain him for the day.  
He’s counting on preceding the dancer, take Dohyon and drive for another hour and a half to show up on his roommate’s doorstep with takeaway lunch.  
It’s been so long since the three of them had time to cause havoc together and he’s looking forward to just fooling around with them for once.

When Dohyon’s dad opens the door, he gives his bows and good mornings and runs upstairs eager to drag the boy out of bed.   
_ We need to be fast or we might risk not getting there before Hangyul takes off._

He doesn’t even take the time to pick up things that could be used as blackmail, and he’s sure there’s plenty just laying around in the boy’s childhood residence. He goes straight for the closet not bothering being gentle or quiet, just pulling out clothes and stashing them on top of the sleeping body.   
All the ruckus of hangers being pushed around eventually wakes the baby rapper up, and for a few seconds, he just trashes around and groans.

“Mooooooooom.” He sounds so cute complaining and it’s actually pretty much what Seungyoun hears every day (except when they’re in the dorm it’s actually ‘hyuuuuuuuuung’).

“It’s time to wake up, my darling…” he replies in a high pitched voice.  
Dohyon jumps up at the sound, fully awake and it really just looks like a scene from a comedy movie. Without waiting for further reactions, Seungyoun pushes the clothes he picked in the boy’s arms and slowly but surely leads him from the bed to the door to the hallway to the bathroom.

“What are you doing here, hyung?” Dohyon’s voice is still groggy from sleep but it sounds cute as always, especially when it's overflowing with distress.  
“Less talking, more changing. I’ll explain on the way.”

As Dohyon gets dressed, he goes back downstairs where he explains, although very vaguely that he’s there to fetch their son for a day excursion, that there’s nothing to worry about and that he just wants to spend time with him without the pressure of their job. They give him a green light as long as he promises that their beloved boy is going to be home for dinner.

When his teammate is back, Seungyoun swiftly takes his hand and drags him out the door only stopping to give a proper goodbye to the other’s parents. He’s not running, but he’s not exactly walking either. Just striding towards the spot in which he parked his car.  
When they reach it (it’s not really far, just on the other side of the street) Dohyon let’s go of his hand. He’s clapping excitedly, with amazement in his eyes.

“Hyung where are we going?! I didn’t even get to have breakfast!”  
“Don’t worry,” he says while opening the door for the younger. “I got you coffee and a muffin and if you get hungry we can always take a very quick digression at the rest stop.”  
“Wow, you really are the coolest, hyung.”

He pauses before actually getting in, asking once again where Seungyoun wants to take him.

“Well, you said you’re bored all alone here and Hangyul is not coming until lunch so I thought why not beat him on the time and surprise him in Incheon.”   
“You wanna go see Hangyul, hyung?” He replies and Seungyoun should notice the sadness in the boy's voice but for some reason, he just doesn’t.  
“Yup, It’s been long since the last time ChoNamGyul bonded and it’s really long due, so we better hurry up if we don’t wanna lose our advantage.” He says happily making his way around the car to get in the driver’s seat.

Dohyon, on the other hand, is still not getting in, stuck with his hands on the car’s door, his face slightly put off. Seungyoun stops at the door too, confused and a tiny fearful of having said something wrong.

“It’s not gonna work, hyung.” He says with a flat tone.  
“You think he already left?”  
The boy picks his phone from his back pocket, checking the time.  
It’s a quarter past nine. “Yeah, definitely.”  
“Oh, cool. Then we’ll just wait. When do you think he’ll arrive?” He asks excitedly.

Dohyon doesn’t seem as happy, he violently shuts the door of the car leaving behind the breakfast Seungyoun got him. The older boy is slightly confused and jogs after him uncertainly trying to keep up both with his pace and with his mood swing.   
“When?” He asks again.

And Dohyon just snaps furiously out of nowhere.

“Honestly, hyung? I think he arrived already.”

Seungyoun looks around both because he thinks he’d notice if Hangyul was there and because he doesn’t know what to make of the maknae’s sudden outburst. He fights the instinct to get slightly irritated by how disrespectful his tone was, Dohyon is always very polite and knows that even if they’re close there are still certain limits.  
_ He has a reason to be mad, _he realizes.

They stay silent for a second and Dohyon looks like he's back in his senses.

“I didn’t mean to scream at you, I’m sorry,” he says in the smallest voice.  
“It’s okay, Dohyonie. But what do you mean Hangyul arrived already?” Seungyoun tries in vain to bury the awful presentiment in his gut.  
“He cancelled on me last night, said something came up and he’ll be in Seoul all day.” He says slowly walking them back to his house.  
“He’s not coming here at all.”

Before he can fully comprehend what he’s saying, they’re back inside and Dohyon runs up the stairs, leaving him behind to explain why they’re not having the one-day excursion anymore.  
He follows Dohyon to his room and if he wasn’t so sorry for the maknae he’d probably be angry.

So yeah, he has reasons to be mad, now.  
Locking at the moping teenager in front of him he thinks he has more reason to be mad now than that time at the dorm with Yohan.   
And like that, he’s honestly really mad, but he can’t show it because it’s Dohyon’s moment to be pissed and so he just keeps it to himself.

He admits it, processes it, validates it. But he doesn’t move on from it just yet.

*

They’re in a neighbourhood park, one with lots of exercise equipment and slides and swings.

They’re sitting next to each other on those things that are grounded to the floor by a huge metal spring that makes it go back and forth, sort of like the playground version of a rocking chair. Seungyoun never bothered learning how it’s called. The one Dohyon is sitting on looks like a giant ladybug, he chose the one that looks like a frog.  
_Hangyul really likes frogs. _He thinks bitterly.

Between them, there’s a picnic basket the younger boy’s mom prepared with a lot of love after Seungyoun told her Dohyon didn’t feel like doing anything particularly tiring so they were staying in town. He tried not to notice the pitying look she had, probably knowing better and maybe even having heard her son’s little outburst on their porch.  
It’s still too early for lunch though, so the two boys just talk about music until they finish sharing ideas.  
Right now Dohyon is silent and just looks at the sky for a moment.

“You know, you can be mad at him. Even if he has reasons to cancel, it’s okay if you’re angry.” He hopes it’s comforting.  
If he was in the boy’s shoes it probably wouldn’t be but he’d pretend it was.  
When his dongsaeng smiles, he really hopes he’s not pretending.

“Actually I wasn't mad until this morning, you know? And now that it’s been a few hours I’m not really angry at him anymore…”

The older boy remains silent, waiting for the other to elaborate.

“He said he had a sudden appointment, that he was very sorry, but we only have another few days of break and then we’re all back together. I was a little upset, but only because I had made a list of places and anecdotes to show and talk about to Hangyul hyung even if he probably would have used them to tease me. But the break is short and I get that he might want to do something else. I get to see him every day anyways.”

Dohyon switched his body weight back and forth to start rocking on the ladybug.  
Hearing his peaceful tone, Seungyoun let his body release the angry tension he had bottled up, yet not completely.

“I got angry this morning, though. But I’m not sure if angry is the right word for it.” He frowns at himself, whispering that last part.  
“We have a group chat, you know?” He turned to him smiling. “Us MBK Boys. It’s all the trainees, including Hangyul hyung’s old group members.”

The idea that Hangyul, like him, had debuted before is strange. He thinks of the bond he still has with his hyungs and Yibo and sure he doesn’t get to see the Chinese members anymore but they keep in contact, and Sujoong is always one of the first he visits when he has spare time. He’s still one of his favourite human beings on the planet.

“I’ve met most of them, but I was only there for five months, so I can’t say I know them. Three months out of five were actually spent with Hangyul hyung and Yeongsang hyung to prepare our audition. I’m not close to them at all.” There is a sadness in his voice that doesn’t sound at all like Dohyon. “But Hangyul hyung, on the other hand, seems to think the world of them. So they can’t be too bad. Taeeun hyung is really cool and always gave me advice in the first few weeks and Giseok hyung is always kind to me, always asking if I’m okay in the group chat, too.”

Seungyoun isn’t sure why the small giant is telling him all this, but as much as he knows he should feel happy that Hangyul has a lot of close friends, the mental image makes him frown.

“I really hate Kijung hyung, though.” He adds with a laugh as if he hadn’t just said what he said.  
His phone buzzes loudly and Dohyon scoffs a little too amused to seem natural. Dohyon unlocks his phone, scrolls up a little and waves it in front of Seungyoun until the older takes it.

It’s the group chat he talked about.

**_[ MBK BOIZ ]. _**There are a few messages that have been sent the previous week, but the newer ones start from around the time Seungyoun shoved Dohyon in the bathroom to change.

**[Moon Taeeun - 8.43]** _Don’t fool yourself, Kim Kijung. He only agreed because you’re annoying <3_

**[Jung Giseok - 8.45]** _Don’t start fights in the group chat…_

**[Jung Giseok - 8.45]** _And I can’t believe you’re meeting up when I’m out of town, backstabbers_

**[Moon Taeeun - 8.46]** _What was that about fights in the group chat?_

**[Kim Yeongsang - 8.50]** _@LeeHangyul just drop by the agency next time so we can avoid all the drama, lol (and bring @NamDohyon since you’re at it)_

**[Kim Kijung - 8.53]** _@MoonTaeeun @JungGiseok hyuuuungs… You’re just jealous ‘cause I’m Hangyul hyung’s favourite. And don’t worry, I’ll plan next time too, Hangyul hyung can’t say no to me, right??? ;)_

_..._

**[Kim Kijung - 10.39]** _*attachment*_

**[Kim Kijung - 10.39]** _Don’t worry. Hangyul hyung loves Kijung and non-Kijungs equally._

**[Lee Hangyul - 10.42]** _KKKKKK_

The attachment is a selfie of Hangyul with a boy he never saw before. The boy is making faces at the camera while the X1 member is resting his head on his shoulder, spying his companion with the corner of his eye, mouth twisting in a stupid grin.

It isn’t a nice picture, it’s actually pretty bad (though Hangyul still manages to look adorable, he thinks) and it only makes the picture more intimate.  
Seungyoun starts to wonder if Dohyon is really scoffing in amusement and not jealousy (because he’s good at reading people, not because the more he stares at the phone the more he feels that old, bad kind of tingling in his gut).

He’s shaken off his irritating staring match with picture-Kijung by the sound of Dohyon’s voice.

“I know it shouldn’t bother me, but for some reason it does. If it makes sense.” It does make sense and the more his dongsaeng says it, the more Seungyoun feels the same.  
“Hyung still calls him ‘maknae’ sometimes. Even if I’m an MBK trainee too and I’m three years younger than Kijung hyung. It didn’t bother me when I first entered, we weren’t close and I never acted like the maknae anyways. But they were on the phone last week and I heard it. Now I think it bothers me a little bit.”

Seungyoun can’t stop his imagination from picturing Hangyul calling someone that wasn’t Dohyon ‘maknae’ in a teasing voice; he doesn’t like it.   
It’s worse when he imagines their main dancer calling someone else besides him ‘my roommate’ or ‘my friend-like hyung’.

Whatever was stirring in his stomach is now fully awake and it makes him feel betrayed.  
He’s so mad with Hangyul right now. He wants to say he’s angry, but it’s something different.  
Something that screams less, but hurts more; something that doesn’t feel like an explosion but more like a parasite eating him inside out.

“Don’t feel bad if you’re upset.” His tone is harsher than he means, but at the same time it breaks too and he tells himself it’s because he hasn’t spoken a word in half an hour.   
“Hangyul cancelled on you last minute and is even shameless about it, you have all the rights to be angry.”

Dohyon is silent for a moment after that, as if his weighing Seungyoun’s opinion.  
“But hyung, you got nothing right.” He says turning towards him with a smile.  
“See I don’t feel angry and I don’t really feel bad about how I feel since I can’t help it. So I’m not planning on fighting it.” He says nodding.

“Second I don’t think I have any right… I mean, I do if you look at it from my point of view. But if it was you, try to imagine it. You can either hang out with a guy you’ve known for more or less ten months and you see practically every single day or hang out with a guy you’ve known for over 4 years and that you haven’t seen in almost two months. I don’t blame him for choosing Kijung hyung today.”

Seungyoun wants to say he fully understands too; so much maturity from Dohyon (much more than he has right now) is unexpected counting that if he was in his position he’d probably be on his way to Seoul to fight Hangyul or on his way to the studio to overthink their whole relationship and write a new song about it.

There’s something though that sounds strange in the way the younger boy talks about his emotions and he wants to hear it out loud because he’s almost sure it’s the same thing he’s thinking.

“You keep saying you’re upset, but not angry.”  
“Yeah. I may not have any _right_ to be upset, but it doesn’t change the fact that I am. A lot of times we do and feel things regardless of whether we’re entitled or not. I don’t blame Hangyul hyung’s choice, but it doesn’t mean I have to like it. And since I know that hyung is being logical it’s not like I can get downright angry, that’s childish.”  
He takes a deep breath and carries on.   
“I know he likes me a lot and he’s comfortable with me, but it’s strange to think there are people we don’t know that are even more comfortable with him. That know him better.”  
He pauses for another second.

“I guess I’m just jealous.”

His dongsaeng looks so small at this moment, with a bittersweet smile on his chubby face.   
Seungyoun wishes he could say something, but he can’t think clearly right now.

He stands up slowly, stretching his legs and taking in one hand the picnic basket, it’s time for them to look for a nice place to lay down and eat.  
His other hand reaches over Dohyon’s and gives him a light squeeze.

“For all that’s worth, I’d probably feel the same.”

_I do feel the same, _he thinks,_ and I’ve been feeling it every time someone seems as close to him as I am if not more._

*

The rest of the day goes by smoothly and lunch seems to give Dohyon both energy and a will to actually have some fun.They take silly pictures and the young boy (baby) shows him around a little bit. People know Dohyon and recognize them together, but they’re kind enough to leave them be.

For a moment Seungyoun leaves behind the heavy feeling in his chest and has fun with Dohyon without any troubling thoughts.

He decides not to stay for dinner, afraid it might make him drowsy on the way home and sets to leave.  
His phone has few notifications, his mom asking what time he’ll be home, Jimin saying she’s got work over Chuseok and MOLA chat sharing memes.   
There are a few messages from the X1 group chat, but it’s mostly Junho making jokes and Dongpyo not having it.

Seungyoun is tempted to send them a picture of him and Dohyon, just to be petty.  
But the idea that Hangyul might actually regret ditching their maknae wouldn’t fix Dohyon’s (or his) jealousy and would only make his roommate feel guilty.

He still feels a painful sting when he sees that Hangyul posted a selfie on the fan cafe.  
The background is the same as the picture with Kijung, only this time it looks like it’s evening rather than the morning.   
He swallows the bitterness that comes with realizing they spent the whole day together and starts the car to go back to Gyeonggi.

He rethinks of all the wise words Dohyon had told him at the park.

‘_I may not have any right to be upset, but it doesn’t change the fact that I am.’_  
_‘ I know he likes me a lot and he’s comfortable with me, but it’s strange to think there are people we don’t know that are even more comfortable with him.’  
__‘I guess I’m just jealous.’_

He admits it, processes it, validates it. He moves-

_He doesn’t move on from it._

Cho Seungyoun is not over that emo phase that has him thinking he likes Lee Hangyul. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEyyyyyy!  
Thanks for reading, I hope you liked it <3  
again, I didn't plan to make it angsty (or so long), it just turned out that way.
> 
> I'm starting to think I should make a seungyul playlist since I keep using songs' lyrics to name stuff.  
Anyways, this is part one to a series of indefinite chapters.  
You can find me on twitter @stantwtjade // @sun_shinejade if you wanna ask me anything !!
> 
> ps. even if Dohyon hates him, please don't hate Kijung, he's a good baby


	2. You've Got Me Going Crazy - Sihun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seungyoun is jealous. Seungyoun is being a jerk. He's crushing like that.  
Hangyul is pissed. Hangyul is just trying to make them get along. He's clueless like that.  
Sihun is uncomfortable. Sihun knows what's going on. He's smart like that.

_I can't get near you now_

_Oh, can't you see it, baby,_   
_You've got me going crazy_

* * *

Seungyoun is kind of okay to admit he gets jealous.

Not out loud, just in a corner of his mind. If he thinks about all the time he ever got annoyed, jealousy presents itself in little stabs, jabs in the pit of his stomach, but it goes away easily. Hangyul jokes with him again or comes looking for him, the kids distract him, Wooseok makes fun of him from across the room.

Nothing major except those two very lonely, sad episodes that took more than he thought to recover from.   
But apparently he must have done something very wrong and the universe hates him.   
It’s been less than a week since he visited Dohyon and it’s happening again.

They only have a day and a half of break left and the kids had to take an early train to avoid getting stuck in their hometowns with how fast tickets back to Seoul get sold right after holidays. So Seungyoun, Hangyul and Yohan decide to move back early too, to keep them company. Seungwoo will take the train from Busan with Eunsang. Dohyon won’t be there before nightfall and Wooseok in the morning.

Turns out they could have avoided coming back early because Junho wants to spend the day at Woolim, Minhee is sleeping like a rock and Hyeongjun and Dongpyo are studying. He thinks he has Yohan and Hangyul to entertain him… except apparently, they’re making plans too.

Maybe it’s because now he has decided to admit it, so it feels a little different. Or maybe because he personally knows the person causing this. Or maybe because he really acted like an ass. Thing is by the time afternoon rolls up he’s in an anxious, irritated, frenzy pacing around Wooseok’s room. With or without Wooseok in it, the kids are scared of going there and he’s not in a state to be seen right now. And this room also happens to be a lot closer to the entrance than his.

*

He wakes up late, knowing he’ll dread being left with nothing to do, but he doesn’t expect to have it so bad. When he gets up, the first thing he notices is that Hangyul actually woke up before him and that itself bothers him.

_He must really be looking forward to it._

The next thing that fully wakes him is the sound of a groaning Yohan from the room next to his and Hangyul laughing maniacally.

“GHHET. AHUP. PHRUM. MEE.” He sounds like there’s something pressing down on him and Seungyoun wants to see what the commotion is all about, but he’s already in a bad mood. Looking for a pair of pants and a hoodie he hears a familiar cooing voice complaining.   
“Yohanie is siiiiiiick. My baby friend.”

Irritation is building up from his stomach to his chest and he doesn’t even register what the voice says.  
_What is he even doing here? Can’t they just meet outside? _He thinks displeased.  
He knows they’re allowed to invite people over, but the idea that the first to actually do it are those two (mostly Hangyul) is particularly vexing.  
He can hear his roommate laughing happily, probably doing that dinosaur laugh, and Seungyoun can picture it so well it almost makes him smile.

“I’m serious, you idiot! Get off my bed, you’re gonna get sick!” Yohan sounds a little raspy and tired, and that mixed with ‘_sick’_ makes the boy sprint to the other room.

What he sees is less jealous-inducing than he imagined.  
Hangyul is sitting on Dongpyo’s bed, far from his blonde, bubbly friend.  
_Freaking stay there._

Yohan is still in his pj’s, under the covers and looks like he’s sweating. Seungyoun recognizes a mass of dyed hair on a skinny body, dressed in a blue shirt and blue jeans. The body looks like he’s forcing cuddles upon his friend, but, with the way Yohan is smiling, Seungyoun doesn’t think he really minds.

Hangyul sees him on the doorstep and raises a hand in acknowledgement saying good morning. The sound makes Yohan and the other boy turn to him happily.

“Morning.”  
“Good morning, hyung!”

It’s hard for Seungyoun to be mad when the boy sounds so happy to see him and if he just pretends not to notice how Hangyul meets his eyes for a second, he can actually remember that he likes this guy a lot.

“Morning, Sihunie,” he says smiling at the blond who seems to have no plan getting up from his friend. “What’s with Yohan?”

The addressed boy looks comfortable, heated and tired, but comfortable.   
“I think I’m getting a fever or something,” at the face his hyung makes he quickly adds “nothing serious, I’m just feeling slightly off and my temperature came up in the night. No going out for now, but I should be fine by tonight.”  
He starts flicking Sihun’s forehead out of nowhere adding “This guy should get up though before I pass him something bad.”

Scoffing, but still getting up, Seungyoun hears the boy mutter something about having a wonderful immune system. Hangyul hears him too and throws a pillow his way.

“That’s bull, man. You’re a piece of paper. I get scared for you when the weather gets ugly.” Yohan is laughing his head off at his own statement, forgetting he should be resting and Seungyoun’s roommate nods approvingly.

“I’ll have you know, that you shouldn’t judge a book by its cover. You guys play all macho, but always get hurt because you’re careless, at least I take care of my body.” He replies getting up and pointing his finger accusingly. He’s still clutching the pillow his friend just threw.  
“Pfft, you literally had a cast on your wrist for weeks during Produce.” Says Yohan incredulously.

Seungyoun leaves the room, irritated by how easily the three of them forgot about him. The last thing he sees is Sihun smashing the pillow in Hangyul’s face and the other making a shocked face.

“What the heck! Yohan is the one who called you out.”  
“I can’t hit Yohan, his sick!”

There’s laughing in the background and with Yohan incapable of leaving the house, the older boy has to wrap his mind around having to witness those three (his mind focused on Sihun and Hangyul) being all chummy.

*

They spend the morning in Dongpyo and Yohan’s room and he doesn’t hear the latter scream anything about Sihun having to get off his bed, which probably means that Hangyul and the blond _aren’t staying the frick away _from each other.   
He feels bile building in his throat at the idea they might be in a similar position to the one he had seen Yohan and Sihun.

They come down for lunch and inhale instant ramen like college kids, which is fitting seeing they all would be if it wasn’t for their choice of living.  
Seungyoun expects Sihun to leave now and proudly thinks that he handled jealousy quite well today, not throwing a fit even if he kind of felt like doing so.

Hangyul has different ideas.

“You’re going to BNM after lunch?” He throws the bait as smoothly as he can, curious about what Sihun has been doing, but mostly eager to see him go. The boy only looks at him with a puzzled face. “Rumour has it you’re working on debuting with a subunit, I wouldn’t be surprised if you lived in the practice room these days…”  
“Oh yeah, maybe. We got nothing fixed today, but I suppose I could squeeze some individual practice.”   
He should feel bad for manipulating Sihun into thinking he should work; he’s sure the kid is stressed enough as it is and honestly he is so talented he doesn’t really need extra practice. But Seungyoun doesn’t need him to hog the boys’ free time either.

“Then stay, it’s not like you gotta practice 26/8!” Hangyul shrugs and Seungyoun suppresses the urge to tell him he’s being a hypocrite because he’s the first to overwork himself.   
“It’s 24/7, love.”  
“Yeah, but you’d probably manage to find a way to make the days longer.”  
“Aww, is that a compliment?”  
“It’s me calling you a workaholic.”

He supposes the main dancer plans to sound annoyed, but his eyes betray the enjoyment in bantering with his same-age friend after so long. Sihun is making kissy faces at Hangyul and in return, the muscular boy slaps him playfully on the cheek. It’s their thing since Position Evaluation, maybe even before.  
It irks him that those two have their own thing.

“You say tomato, I say tomato.”

Yohan excuses himself to go lay down as Hyeongjun gets out of his room. He stops in his tracks and he sees the blond.

“Hyung! I told Dongpyo I thought I heard you, he kept saying I was just looking for a reason to stop studying.”  
He runs up to hug him and the two start talking about some stuff that Seungyoun can’t focus on. He hears _text _and _Wonjin_ and _hang-out._ But mostly he’s distracted by the way Hangyul is looking at him grimly. The younger catches his eyes and for a moment he swears he sees him rolling his eyes in disbelief, maybe his imagining things. Something must be up though because he isn’t smiling.

Seungyoun looks away scoffing, _as if Hangyul has reasons to be irritated, he’s literally showing off his friendship and they’re being all buddies and he has the guts to be in a bad mood-_

Seungyoun knows he’s only trying to find reasons to get upset because that’s what people do when they think they’re right. They try to prove their point. But he has to stop his inner rant because now Hangyul is smiling again talking to Sihun. Seungyoun wonders for a second if his roommate is becoming bipolar.

The two dancers are saying something about dinner and trains and that’s when the black-haired guy tunes back in the conversation.

“I dunno, I mean I would love to but I really don’t wanna be a bother.” He’s sure Sihun just kind of glanced at him.  
“Nonsense, I’m sure everyone would love to have you at dinner. And you can catch Eunsang, Seungwoo hyung and Dohyon.”

His mouth opens up before he can even process what he’s gonna say.

“Our fridge is empty, we can’t have an actual dinner and I doubt it’s really best host behaviour to order trashy delivery food. I’m sure we can invite Sihun for dinner _another_ day.”

It’s like those moments in cartoons where everything freezes and ice is cracking.

Hangyul is trying to burn holes in his skull and Sihun is frozen in place. As for him, he kinda wants to die.  
_So much for not making a scene, dumb shit._ He thinks.

“Yeah, some may say it’s as bad as throwing people out of the house.”

He never had a fight with Hangyul, he thinks as the younger boy glares at him fiercely and he’s glad because the intensity in his eyes and the coldness in his tone make his blood run cold.  
The blond laughs, which makes no sense, but he supposes he’s just trying to break the sudden tension. He gets up from the stool he’s on scratching the back of his head.

“Well, that settles it then. Seungyoun has a point, you guys should rest while you can, not worry over cooking dinner for me. I should go to the agency now anyway.”

Seungyoun wasn’t aware that it was possible to be pissed and feel like a living dumpster at the same time. But with Hangyul making sure Sihun sticks around and implying he’s being shitty (he knows he is, but calling him out like that?!) he can’t completely feel bad for wanting to ruin their date day.

The younger frowns at his friend, eyes exasperated and hand reaching towards him, but the other smoothly moves a step away as if he’s going towards the door. Seungyoun doesn’t miss the half glance in his direction.At this point, Hangyul isn’t even masking the hatred in his eyes and the all-rounder knows he screwed up big time. He sees his roommate reach out again and this time the bnm trainee doesn’t move away, clearly unsure about what’s happening. X1’s main dancer locks his face on Seungyoun and without turning away he squeezes his friend’s hand and tells him to wait.  
He leaves them alone together for a second, jogging up the stairs. It’s far too awkward and Seungyoun can’t understand what he’s supposed to do in a room with the kid he just tried to shove out of the apartment.

“Sorry about that.” Sihun, the all-rounder recalls, has made a habit in saying that and it’s probably because he’s been traumatised by mnet into thinking he’s a selfish little jerk.

_Wow, he’s actually apologising. I can’t believe I’m such an idiot.  
_Before he can tell the other boy it’s his fault for behaving like an ass, Hangyul comes running down the stairs, shoes on, car keys and sweatshirt in hand.

“Okay, settled” He’s back with a smile on his face, worrying Seungyoun about the possibility of bipolar disorders.  
The moment the dancer’s eyes fall on him though, he’s back to throwing daggers, _he’s not bipolar, just pissed at me._

“Let’s go.”

The other two speak in unison. “What?” “Where?”

Hangyul has a smug smirk as if he just worked out how to cheat the devil.  
“Well, I thought about it. And hyung is right.” The happiness in his voice is disturbing counting it's going hand in hand with the most murderous stare he has ever seen in real life.

“Which is why I thought we should go grocery shopping. So think about what you want for dinner.”

Sihun looks like he’s about to say something but Hangyul takes a stride into the blond’s personal space to cover his mouth with a hand, the motion looks forceful at first but Seungyoun can see the care in the way his roommate placed his palm on the other boy’s lips and suddenly his tongue is dry against the roof of his mouth.

“Don’t say anything. Eunsang would never forgive you for not staying and he’s already halfway to replace you with Seungwoo hyung.”  
When his friend doesn’t show plans to talk back he lets go of his hold but doesn’t step away.   
The black-haired rapper wants to walk to him and pull at his arm to get him at least a meter away and find a way for Hangyul to say he’s kidding.

“Plus Yohan is letting us use BbolBbol.”

To Seungyoun’s relief, Sihun moves his weight on his right leg, leaning just a tiny bit away from Hangyul.

“Are we going right now? Isn’t it a bit early?”  
“Oh no, we can do that after. You said you wanted to go practice so I’m tagging along.” He swears the boy side-eyed him saying that.  
“We can work on choreographies and you can teach me something about creating a real performance. Maybe they’ll even let us dance together after your debut.”

Sihun seems a little less tense at the mention of choreographies, the idea of dancing bringing back his jolly smile, but it’s only a second because Hangyul seems set on making Seungyoun uncomfortable.  
“It’s not like there’s anything interesting here anyway.”

Hangyul doesn’t wait for an actual reply and X1’s jack of all trades can’t fully register Sihun’s rushed goodbyes as his friend drags him out the door (he’s still trying to not wince at that low blow aimed at him.)

*

He’s lucky he has good stamina because it’s been actually two hours and a half since he started pacing up and down the room.

It’s almost six and they’ve been gone since two (2.03 to be exact) and Seungyoun thinks that the more they stay away the more he’s gonna think about how much he overreacted. He wants them to come back so he can apologise to Sihun, to Hangyul and so he can stop wondering about what they’re doing all alone in a practice room. (It’s stupid because he knows they’re just friends, but Hangyul looked so at ease invading the other boy’s personal space.)

There’s the familiar sound of their front door and Seungyoun stops mid-step. He can’t hear talking but he’s pretty sure the front door is being shut.   
He makes it to open the door but before he can touch the handle the door opens on its own and he just remembers jumping in surprise. He’s met by a scream and round spectacles.

“AHHH!”  
“WHY ARE YOU HERE?!” He screams back.  
“What do you mean? It’s my room, why are _you_ here?!”

Wooseok bumped into his suitcase when he jumped back startled, but he just leaves it there by the door.  
He’s still looking at Seungyoun suspiciously while he walks up to his bed and sits on it with his legs crossed.  
They stare at each other for a second before both their phones buzz.

(It’s the group chat and there are two new messages from Yohan and Minhee reading _‘Hyungs I love you, but unless you’re being murdered refrain from screaming when I’m sleeping <3_’ and ‘_What hyung said ^^_’.)

Wooseok scoffs while his friend laughs and when he’s done he sees that his same-age friend is scanning the room.

“I didn’t touch anything or snooped around, don’t worry. Why are you back so early?”  
“My dad drove me, he has a work dinner in Ilsan tonight and it’s better than taking the train. Why are you in my room when I’m not?” He doesn’t sound put off, just genuinely perplexed.  
“I wanted to think and I can’t think in my room, not now. Also…” saying it out loud makes it more real. “Also it’s-easier-to-hear-if-Hangyul-is-back-from-here.”

Seungyoun expects some sort of reaction, like scoffing or laughing or asking to repeat slowly. Instead, Wooseok pats the spot next to him on the bed, takes his friend by the hand and sighs.

“Okay from the top, what happened with Hangyul?”  
“Well, I pissed him off.” He says pausing between the words.  
“How?”  
“Well, I was pissed off?” He can’t look at Wooseok in the eyes, suddenly feeling like he might actually be about to admit it to someone.  
“Is that a question or a statement, Cho Seungyoun?” Replies to his friend patiently.  
“A statement, I think.” In his peripheral view, he sees his friend roll his eyes.  
“Then why were you ‘pissed’?”  
“Oh, yeah… Uhmmm, okay.” He feels himself chuckle through the stuttering, unable to put it in words.  
“Let’s say that there’s a premise. And the premise is that I think I have a problem.”

Wooseok is looking at him with a fond smile and he thinks it’s no wonder he feels fine talking to him about this.  
“How big is this ‘problem’.”  
“Pretty big.” He says and he finds himself smiling and adding “Actually not that much, 176 cm.”   
“Seungyoun, be serious.”

He stays silent for a moment and then turns to look at the boy at his side, holding his hand tightly.   
“That’s the thing, I’m being serious.”

Wooseok is still looking at him as if he wants him to clarify, nodding him on to continue.

“Okay, just promise not to freak out or make fun of me for it.”  
“I’m not Jinhyuk, or Yohan, or Yuvin.”  
“So yeah, let’s say I think I might like him…”  
“Yeah and…?”

The lack of a reaction, or at least the difference between how Wooseok is taking it and what he imagined is not really satisfactory.

“Wait, that’s how you react? I just told you I have a majestic crush on —_Hangyul.” _He whispers the name as if someone might be eavesdropping.  
“First, you say _‘you think you might like him’_ and now it’s a majestic crush? That escalated quickly. Second,” the small guy looked at him with a smart ass grin.  
“let’s be real, we’ve known that for a while.”

“What do you mean we’ve known that for a while? I’ve literally known it for _three days_!”

He shakes his head earnestly when the owner of the room looks at him as if he doesn’t trust what he just heard.  
“Oh come on! You freaked out when you noticed you kept hanging around him and then you got all mopey when he was sleeping in Dongpyo’s bed and don’t think I haven’t noticed that day I found you composing depressing songs was the same day Yohan and Hangyul were cuddling on the couch. That’s textbook messy crush behaviour.”

Seungyoun is silent for a while and tries to process that people might actually work it out, that Hangyul might work it out.

“If it’s any help, Hangyul doesn’t seem to notice. He knows when you’re acting strange, but I don’t think he contemplates the idea of you having feelings for him.”  
“Oh yeah, that makes me feel better. There’s no way in hell that the guy I like might see that as a possibility, right.”  
“Not what I said, but think whatever makes you feel more at ease. I only understood it because I’m not directly part of the situation. I have a clearer look at what’s happening.”  
“Then what’s happening?”  
"It’s not my business to speculate, Seungyoun. But if the feelings are here to stay maybe you should just tell him.”  
“I’ve liked him for less than a week, that’s not enough for a confession!” Wooseok rolls his eyes at him and he might have whispered to himself ‘_more like 6 months_’.

“Back to today… Why are you pissed at each other?”

Seungyoun tells him everything.  
“And now I’m here, waiting for them to get back so I can apologize.” Wooseok grips his hand tightly in understanding and pats him softly on the arm.  
“Also I’m still kind of jealous… they’ve been gone for hours and it’s lowkey irritating.” he knows he deserves all three slaps he gets on the back of his head.

They stay like that for a little, the boy in spectacles telling him he’ll work it out in no time and Seungyoun enjoys just lying there, trying to get his mind off Hangyul as Wooseok tells him about his holiday. The younger must have fallen asleep during their tête-à-tête. He’s getting drowsy too and before he knows it the entrance door is opening, indistinctive voices filling the apartment.

Sihun and Eunsang are chatting, Seungwoo calls for the kids to help. He looks up and there’s Dohyon too, passing random bags of food to the others.

_They must have met just outside, _he thinks as the last of the bunch closes the door. He doesn’t have time to fully take in the sight of Hangyul in a sweatshirt that makes him look especially broad and reliable. He’s carrying both Dohyon and Eunsang’s suitcases and almost stumbles on the one Wooseok left on the ground. In a second he looks inside the room, locking eyes with Seungyoun and then with the sleeping form of his other hyung, then on their joined hands. He scurries away and the all-rounder takes a second to get up and sprint after him.

Everyone else is too busy getting dinner done to notice how Seungyoun follows Hangyul upstairs.

The black-haired guy intercepts his roommate as he’s exciting Dohyon’s room, no longer suitcases in hand, and without any explanations, he pushes him inside their own.  
Hangyul looks lowkey pissed again and Seungyoun wants to think that it’s because he saw him holding someone else’s hand and not because he just unceremoniously threw him on a bed.

He doesn’t mean to, but for a second he imagines this happening under very different circumstances and shivers from head to toe. He gets back to the task at hand and sits next to him, but he can’t look at him just yet.  
They stay like that for a second and Hangyul tries to get up and leave when Seungyoun doesn’t talk.   
The older boy’s hand reaches out to his arm in order to stop him and pull him back next to him.  
Hangyul is resisting his gentle tug and looks at him in annoyance.

“You know, if you got me in here to stare at the floor, maybe you can go stare at the kitchen’s one and I can go help cooking.”

Seungyoun tugs harder and it’s like al strength leaves his roommate’s body, tired of fighting.

"I’m sorry I was bitch earlier.”  
“You shouldn’t be apologizing to me then. Not as the first option, at least. Sihun is too nice to say it, but you hurt him this morning.” Hangyul lets his body fall irascibly next to Seungyoun.  
“I get that you’re angry at me, but that doesn’t mean you get to be mean to my friends you know?”

That leaves him confused for a moment.

“Is that what you think this is about? Why should I be angry at you?”  
“Don’t ask me, but you don’t seem to have a reason to be angry at Hunie either so I guess it makes more sense if I’m the one you’re cross with.”  
“It’s not anger.”  
“Then what is it? Because honestly, you were _really_ \- _lousy -_ for lack of better words.”

Hangyul is getting that panicky mixed with angry restlessness again and Seungyoun can feel him wanting to get up and just takes his hand. It’s enough to make Hangyul go still and sigh.   
He looks so distressed and Seungyoun feels so bad for being the reason for this.

“You’re the one who told me to come here and spend time with the guys before we have to work again. And it’s not an excuse to get angry at Sihun, but sorry if I was expecting to actually spend time together.”

He hopes he doesn’t sound as whiny as he feels, but he’s suddenly remembering how small he felt understanding that there are people Hangyul cares more for than him (it should make sense because he has people he cares for too, but it’s still painful). The thought that even Sihun might fall in that list has him feeling a new sense of dread his not quite used to yet.

“I wanted that, too. I asked you if you wanted to come to the movies with us and you said you didn’t feel like it.”

Seungyoun wishes to find the words to tell his roommate that he wants _them _to spend time together without making it sound like a confession when he doesn’t seem to formulate it in words he just squeezes his hand tighter.

“And I texted you to come up and hang out with me and the boys before lunch and you just left me on read. I know we don’t have much time to chill and spend time together when we’re working that’s why I wanted you to tag along, I just thought you might like hanging out with us. I mean I know we’re all younger than you, but I don’t know—“ Hangyul shrugs and slides his hand out of Seungyoun’s“I wouldn’t mind if you asked me to hang out with _your _friends.”

“Really?” He sounds surprised and it’s in all honesty because he is.  
Whenever Hangyul mentioned his friends in the past he would always add ‘you’ll get to see them’ or ‘you’ll see once you meet them’ and Seungyoun had always felt threatened by the possibility of having to spend time with all these people who were so important to his crush.

“I’ll apologize to Sihun, before he leaves. And tell him he’s free to drop by anytime and we can go watch that movie if you want.”  
“You don’t have to if you don’t want to, hyung. I can be your friend and his friend without you being close to each other if it’s a problem, I just thought you liked him.”  
“It’s not that, I like Sihun, really” he sighs and tries to find the words “It’s just that I like you too.” He says in a rush and Hangyul freezes for the nth time.

“You’re my friend and my roommate and member and I care about you,” He recovers fast enough.   
“And I do care about being friends with your friends, is just that even if we get along sometimes I still feel like I don’t know you and I’m starting to want to change that, for our friendship.” _And because that’s what people do when they’re falling in love._

Hangyul relaxes next to him and then they’re holding hands again. For two people who were supposedly pissed at each other, they sure hold hands a lot.

“Well if you spent more time in your room than in Seungwoo hyung’s.”  
“Well, if you spent more time in your room than in Yohan’s.” He bickers back.  
And now they’re laughing and Seungyoun feels reborn for a moment. The sight of Hangyul not just grinning, but grinning at him is fixing his whole day and making him go all fuzzy.

_I really do like him._

“So you’re not angry?”  
“No, are you?”  
“Not anymore.”  
“Good.”  
“Yeah, it’s exhausting being mad at you” adds Hangyul.

*

When they go back down to the first floor (Wooseok keeps winking at him), dinner is being served and Seungyoun thanks Sihun, because he’s apparently the only one who was not just decent, but a good cook. Hangyul sits next to him and they share what they did during break, he can see Dohyon rolling his eyes when his hyung mentions catching up with friends but then he smiles when their main dancer says that he did visit Dohyon in the end and that they went to dinner at Yohan’s and that the boy actually slept at his house that night.

Hangyul is practically forcing food on his plate while he does the same for Yohan who does it for Sihun who does it for Eunsang who in turn is making sure Dohyon’s bowl is always full. Wooseok complains that no one ever takes care of him, no one reacts just to mess with the small visual.

In short, it’s a really nice evening even if the two roommates barely exchange a word and even if Seungyoun still doesn’t like the way Sihun and Hangyul banter over little things. But the weight of Hangyul’s hand on his thigh makes him think that he can wait till later when they’re on their own in their room. He’s willing to wait if it means he gets to spend some quality time just the two of them.

When night falls and Sihun has to leave Seungyoun insists on driving him home and at first, it’s awkward but they manage to keep the conversation going.  
He tries to apologize when they’re getting closer to the younger boy’s dorm, but the blond doesn’t want to hear any of it.

“I think I get why you acted like that.” He keeps his eyes on the road, but his tone is enough to make Seungyoun feel naked.   
“I mean I would react even worse if the guy I liked kept insisting on having dinner and spending time with someone as handsome as me.”

He’s too shocked to say anything for the rest of the ride but before getting out of the car, Sihun pats him on the hand still holding the steering wheel.  
“Don’t worry I won’t tell, but if I were you I wouldn’t worry much.”

*

When he gets back to the dorm Hangyul is not with Yohan watching dramas, he’s in their room and that night they talk until they fall asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this turned out faaaaar longer than planned and I was close to just call it quits and rewrite it from the top, made some few cuts and changes the ending but I think it's actually smoother like this.
> 
> I hope you guys like it <3
> 
> it's less angsty and actually has some seungyul moments, because it's time for them to do something! Also I like that Wooseok knows now, because it gives me more room prompt wise to include funny/teasing dynamics.
> 
> as always you can find me on twitter @sun_shinejade <3 if something comes up I'll try to give a heads up, but for now i still don't know who chapter 3 is yet...
> 
> till next time loves!


	3. If You Must Cling To Someone - Yohan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seungyoun is living his romantic pining dream.  
Hangyul is barely even sleeping.  
Seungyoun tries to stay awake for him.  
Hangyul sleeps in someone else's arms.

_Don't take this heaven from one_  
_If you must cling to someone_  
_Now and forever_  
_Let it be me_

* * *

Seungyoun likes to think they’re going great.  
He’s pretty positive that they are.

It’s been almost two months since Chuseok and they never fight, never have problems, but most importantly they talk a lot.

It’s a strange change at first; mostly they tease each other and bicker for fun and now they barely ever do that. Seungyoun thinks it’s a helpful change though, cause he likes to think he deals better with jealousy these days.   
He realizes that it’s okay if sometimes Hangyul disappears for hours on end and remerges from the kid’s room in time for lunch, or if he likes to joke around with Yohan and plays along with the hate-love agenda Wooseok keeps pulling. Because at night, after they shower, they spend the evening talking behind closed doors, sometimes the others come by and they talk more casually sometimes it’s just the two of them talking about whatever they feel like, other times they share hobbies and passions. He’s learning so much about him, things he wonders why he never bothered asking, things that make him even better in his eyes, things that only make him fall deeper. Because yes, now after eight months since they met and two months after realizing his feelings were beyond friendship, he can confidently state that he loves him. In his mind. He can confidently state he loves him in his mind, sometimes to Wooseok but mostly it happens mentally.

He now knows that Hangyul likes neon yellow and that he was looking forward to the colder seasons. He learns that he used to play basketball and that he was good too, but he was never particularly good at football (Seungyoun might have attempted flirting at this, saying that he was more than willing to spend his free time teaching him), that he’s gotten better at drinking, but is still far behind what you’d expect from his body built.

Seungyoun sometimes wishes they talked about other things too, more personal things too, like how’s his relationship with his brothers, the first time he met his mother, if he still visits his old orphanage, the last time he had a girlfriend (or a _boyfriend_, but no one ever mentions sexual orientations in the dorm and it scares him to be the first to bring it up).   
Hangyul doesn’t ask him as many questions, but he’s pretty sure it only feels like that because Seungyoun can’t ever shut up and always has something to talk about.

So with all the talking that they do he does think that they’re doing great.

He knows he’s doing great.  
He can count the times he didn’t fall asleep to the sound of Hangyul’s voice on one hand and sleeping with his favorite voice in the world as a lullaby means falling asleep with a smile and feeling well-rested in the morning.  
He never once in the last two months thought that there might be something off. Sure they don’t spend as much time together, but how can he ever imagine that he and Hangyul aren’t doing wonderfully when he sees him smile every morning and hear him whisper every night.

*

“Can I sleep here, hyung?” Dongpyo’s sleepy voice echo’s in the room from the doorway.  
He looks behind him to find their little duckling pouting and holding a giant Ryan stuffed doll in his arms. _And I’m supposed to think that this kid is 17?_

He motions to Hangyul’s bed with his head, smiling softly, though he has to admit he asks himself why he even has to ask. Dongpyo has called dibs for naps on his roommates bed since their first week in the dorm. He liked taking small rests there, whether if it was to actually sleep or just to use his phone until Hangyul taps him on the leg to make him leave or, those times he falls asleep and the older doesn’t have the heart to wake him up, carries him softly to his own bed (Seungyoun almost kissed Hangyul the first time he caught him doing that).

He wonders out loud what is it about the main dancer’s mattress that seems to attract people.  
(He too would love to spend the night there, but not when the owner wasn’t in it and definitely with ulterior motives)  
Dongpyo, who Seungyoun believed to be already asleep, answers in a sleepy daze:

“It’s just so comfortable, maybe I should ask him to switch beds… he likes sleeping in mine better anyway.”  
The all-rounder is left to wonder what it means, as the boy falls asleep almost immediately.

But soon enough, strength starts leaving his body and he falls asleep while absent-mindedly scrolling through his phone still asking himself when did Hangyul ever sleep in Dongpyo’s bed.

If Hangyul comes back in the middle of the night to carry the younger boy back to his room, he doesn’t hear anything.

*

He wakes up grumpy and late the morning after because he was really serious about the whole ‘Hangyul-makes-my-beauty sleep-more-effective’ ordeal. There’s something quite strange that morning, aside from the fact that Hangyul woke up earlier than him. He looks around in search of whatever it is that’s making him feel strange and uneasy.

The other bed in the room is empty and unkempt, covers all over the place and he’s pretty sure he can spy the giant Ryan on the floor. And that’s it because Hangyul is tidy and organized and that doesn’t seem at all like Hangyul’s bed.

He shuffles in his slippers ready to get down and grab something to eat even if it was way past breakfast.

There are voices coming from Yohan and Dongpyo’s room.

“Why didn’t you wake me up last night.” It’s heavy with sleep, but with the way his body shivers, Seungyoun knows it’s Hangyul. A well-rested, barely awake Hangyul. He’d recognize his voice over a million. And without meaning to he stops on the stairs to listen on them,  
“I know I promised you to, but Dongpyo told me he’d just sleep in your bed. And I always feel bad for waking you up from your naps, these days. You always look so damn tired, man.”

He tries not to worry too much, because it can’t be anything too bad, he tries to tell himself. But he meets Dongpyo in the kitchen and he can’t stop himself from asking: “Hey, kid. You slept in Gyul’s bed last night?”

Dongpyo doesn’t seem to catch the tension in Seungyoun’s voice and just nods while munching on something. “I thought I asked? I was super tired yesterday, sorry if I just barged in, I barely remember anything.” He said with a sheepish smile that is starting to look ridiculously similar to Seungwoo’s.

“No no, don’t worry. I was pretty much dead myself, that’s why I asked. Didn’t know if I imagined it or something.” He lies easily.

He wonders if he’s reading too much into it. If maybe Hangyul was just tired, fell asleep on Dongpyo’s bed after playing dumb and dumber with Yohan and that was it. But Dongpyo has said that the dancer liked sleeping in his bed as if it was something that happened a lot. And Yohan said it wasn’t the first nap Hangyul took in there in the past days.

He waits till later that day, observing the interactions between Yohan and his roommate hoping he's reading too much into it.

“Hey, let’s play a video game.”  
“Are we really playing or are you going to fall asleep on me again and I have to play online with Minkyu and Sejin hyung?”  
“No no for real, don’t worry. I managed to sleep last night.” He says chuckling as they jogged up the stairs, neither knowing Seungyoun is listening by where he’s standing on Wooseok’s doorstep.  
“And how did you manage to sleep, you big baby?” Yohan is talking in that voice he usually uses to tease Dongpyo, but Hangyul doesn’t seem to mind. He only sighs and admits: “Because you let me sleep in your room.”  
“Exactly.” Replies Yohan merrily. “I’m starting to think you can only sleep when I’m around.”  
“Yeah because you’re so boring I literally collapse if I spend too much time with you.”

Yohan laughs and then the door closes making their conversation impassable to hear.

“Hey what are you doing?” Wooseok is back from his usual locking up in the bathroom to make phone calls (Seungyoun has learned not to make jokes about phone-sex, but still has to bite his tongue every time his same age friend comes out of the toilet putting his phone in his back pocket). He just shrugs and asks Wooseok if he’s up for some strolling around the neighborhood.

They talk about everything and nothing at all until they end up talking about Jinhyuk.

“How do you do it?” His smaller friend looks pensive. “How do you not doubt your feelings for someone that doesn’t show whether he likes you or not?”  
“I don’t know,” replies Seungyoun honestly “for me… I guess I don’t ask myself that much.”  
“Shouldn’t it be even worse for you though?” He says frowning slightly. “I keep asking myself what’s going on with Jinhyuk and I barely see him. How can you not want to ask Hangyul explicitly when you see him every day? Doesn’t it confuse you to live so close to someone you’re falling in love with?”  
“I’m not sure… It’s just that I know he loves me, maybe not the way I want him to yet, but for now, it’s fine like that. We’re fine like that.”  
“Are you?”  
“Yeah, do we look like we’re not okay?” He knows he’s getting tense, but the idea of Hangyul not being able to sleep in his own room makes him feel on edge.  
“I don't know, honestly.” Wooseok takes a while to answer like he’s actually looking back. “I’m pretty sure that whole thing with Sihun brought you closer, but at the same time, I never see you guys together anymore. Only in the morning when you get out of your room, though it’s like you’re back with being comfortable with each other. So you tell me?”  
“Oh yeah, I must admit it kind of made me jealous that Hangyul prefers Yohan and Eunsang as joke partners, but Hangyul and I have our own thing now.” He says a little less worried.  
He loves his night sessions of heart to heart talking. When Wooseok raises an eyebrow he responds readily.  
“We’ve been talking a lot these days, kind of like us two do. Just instead of strolling, we’re lying in bed, mind you our respective beds, but we’ll get to cuddling one day.” He says fully knowing of how his eyes get all dreamy at the thought.

He misses the way Wooseok is suddenly looking at him worriedly.

“Just for clarification, how deep in the night these conversations go?”  
“Until I fall asleep, which depends on how tired I am. Sometimes it’s midnight other times 2 am. His voice sounds really nice around those hours, I get to live the gyullangdan dream.”  
“So you always sleep first?”  
“Yeah…?”  
“And you’ve noticed anything weird in Gyul, lately?”  
“What, no. Look why don’t you just tell me what’s going on. You sound like you’re on to something.”

He isn’t worried per se, but he can sense how the conversation is going from his longing to his roommate’s sleeping habits.

Wooseok sighs like he doesn’t really want to have this conversation but continues anyway.

“Seungwoo told me some time ago, but I was worried you’d start to worry so I said nothing. But now I think he’s right. Are you sure all is good with Gyul? Like, not just the two of you. In general.”  
“Yeah, why?”  
“He tends to stay awake at night.” He says making the all-rounder confused. “And that’s strange because we all know Hangyul sleeps with pleasure and only wakes up if forced.”  
“I guess it’s a bad time, it’s gonna pass soon.” He says only half believing it but mostly trying not to be anxious and sorry for not noticing.  
“That’s what I said too when Seungwoo told me he found him watching drama’s fully awake at 5 am. That was four weeks ago, and three days ago I was up late talking to Jinhyuk and I saw him walking down the stairs. He said he only wanted water, but I’m pretty sure he didn’t leave the kitchen for at least an hour after I went back to my room.”

Seungyoun tries his best to recall the last time Hangyul slept earlier than him, failing.

“I don’t actually check every night, I need sleep. But Hyeongjun said he heard noises from the kitchen last week, but was too scared to go check. I’m starting to think Hangyul has insomnia or something.”

*

The following days, Seungyoun starts to take notice. The way Hangyul is always tired and yawns a lot. The way that when he disappears in the kids' room the usual ruckus of mischief doesn’t follow, the way he kinda leans in when Hyungjun or Junho throw an arm over his shoulders. And he feels bad for not noticing before. When they talk at night Hangyul is wide awake though, always keeping him company and at first Seungyoun tries to stay awake, because if the guy he likes can’t sleep he refuses to be so selfish and fall asleep to the sound of his voice, even if his voice is the warmest blanket on a late November night.

In the end, he does fall asleep, but his mind now is aware that some time around the wee hours Hangyul comes back from god knows where.

The day after he tries to approach the situation and is met with unconvincing lying about going to pee and so during their nightly talks he explicitly asks him. But Hangyul laughs and says that he needs to tell Seungwoo hyung to stop worrying. They both know he’s faking it but if his roommate is unwilling to admit he has difficulties sleeping maybe he can find another way.

*

It takes very little to convince the members, mostly because he talks to the maknae line first.

So when he sends Seungwoo, Hangyul and Yohan off to fetch some homemade stuff his mother sent to the agency, they take all the covers and extra covers the can find and build something between a pillow fort and a camping place. Wooseok helps them gladly, every once in a while sending cute smiles his way and when the kids are busy gathering their plushies he walks up to him patting his head like he’s a pet.

“You know? If Jinhyuk and Hangyul didn’t exist, I’d probably be in love with you.”

He chuckles and winks at him, hoping that his stupid, stubborn and apparently sleep deprived crush will like it as much.

Seungwoo is slightly confused when Dongpyo runs up to him, makes him drop the boxes and starts asking for cuddles before their leader can register what’s happening, but in between bear hugs he manages to catch Seungyoun’s eyes as the all-rounder mouths _“might help Gyullie”._  
Yohan squeals and jumps in circles taking Junho’s hands excitedly.  
Hangyul on the other hand only shrugs and joins the other on the floor around the snacks acting like a second layer of covers. He smiles for barely a second, but the rapper/vocalist manages to catch it and it makes all the effort worth it.

“You know, I’m pretty sure we’re not supposed to be eating junk-food for dinner.”  
“Ah hyung! Stop talking like you’re fifty years old.”  
“Did you just call me old, you punk?” He says tackling Dohyon and tickling him.  
“I said you sound old and that’s true, right Hyeongjun hyung?”

The kids and Hangyul just start a tickle fight ending in Minhee, Hyungjun and Dohyon trying to over power Seungyoun’s roommate, who not only has muscles sculpted by god but also isn’t ticklish.

They spend the night like that, no phones allowed unless for selfies and music. Talking, joking and lowkey hitting each other with the pretence of tickling. They decide that for tonight it’s only them bonding. Even Yohan turns down a video-call from Yuvin, that night.  
The kids try to sleep as late as they can, Dohyon actually already used to hitting the sack at ungodly hours, Wooseok on the other hand gives up rather easily even if it probably means getting pestered by Junho.  
When Seungwoo starts to feel drowsy, at around 2 am, he threatens to cuddle Eunsang and suddenly Dongpyo is feeling extremely tired as well.

Slowly but surely they all find their own spots on the made believe beds on the floor and Seungyoun has arranged covers and plushies to make sure that he and Hangyul are somewhat closer to each other and just slightly off to the side compared to everyone else.

He can hear Eunsang and Junho muttering among each other while Minhee snickers for catching Dohyon whisper ‘cute’ at Hyeongjun’s sleeping form, Yohan is next to the starship boys, his limbs so spread out that he’s actually taking twice the space.  
As 3 am get’s closer, Hangyul looks sleepy for a moment and Seungyoun carefully lays down on his right. They stay silent for a second and he’s pretty sure Hangyul knows he’s watching him even if he has his eyes closed.

“I don’t get why you did this, hyung, but I must admit it was a cute idea.”

He’s keeping his eyes closed, but his head tilts slightly to the side towards him. It doesn’t look like he’ll open his eyes anytime soon, or at least the older hopes he won’t because although they do it a lot it’s never in this circumstances. He lets his hand travel to Hangyul’s chest, not quite touching him until his fingertips reach the hand that’s resting right above his heart.  
Seungyoun dares to hope, the two second in which the other is frozen, that he’s not imagining the way Hangyul’s heartbeat seems faster than normal, but before he can press his hand closer the boy shifts so that he’s resting to the side, the hand Seungyoun was reaching out for trapped between the pillow and his roommate’s cheek.

The all-rounder tries not to be flustered by his fail attempt and start murmuring little nothings. When Hangyul hums in response, he doesn’t seem to notice how the agreements don’t sound sleepy at all. Maybe it’s the way he’s so happy that Hangyul seems to have enjoyed the night, but something takes over him and he reaches under Hangyul’s head making the younger open his eyes in confusion. Seungyoun finds his warm hand and grips it tightly pushing it out from its spotto rest in the small place between their heads. Hangyul doesn’t move for a second, and sure maybe it’s not the same as reciprocating the squeeze but he also doesn’t move his hand away and that’s a win in his vocabulary.  
They lock eyes for a moment and now even if maybe the younger doesn’t remember implying the question, he wants to answer.

“I know you have trouble sleeping these days, and since I can’t seem to make you talk about it or to make you sleep I thought it would be nice to keep you company for a while.” He doesn’t know how he manages to truly look into Hangyul’s eyes without ending up with a trembling voice. And the last thing he remembers is the fact that after a few seconds Hangyul tightens the grip on his hand, it’s only a moment but it happens. As he falls asleep, he’s far too tired to realize that right after that affectionate squeeze, Hangyul’s hand opens and goes limp, not reciprocating the hold.

*

Seungyoun wakes up at the sound of a groan that he easily identifies as Yohan. It’s still the depth of night and by how tired he feels he’s pretty sure he slept more or less an hour. He bats his eyes trying to adjust his sight in the dim light coming from the window.   
As his eyes get used to the darkness he realises that he’s right and that Yohan is slowly getting up, yawning, but Seungyoun plans to go back to sleep so he just pretends to move in his sleep and doesn’t acknowledge him.

He’s almost back to sleep when he hears Yohan half sigh half chuckle. He tests opening an eye only, not wanting the younger know he’s awake, knowing they’d end up talking and he wouldn’t get any sleep. Their centre is shaking his head at something directly behind Seungyoun’s head and he almost snaps to look at it, but he doesn’t want to draw attention to himself only waiting for Yohan to lay back down and go back to sleep.

“Dear gosh, Gyul. You almost sacred me.” He whisper-shouts from where he’s standing. “What are you doing still up?”  
“Can’t sleep.”

Yohan sighs and goes back to his spot, leisurely spreading both legs widely and then crunches to his side patting the now empty space beside him.

“It’s time to sleep, man. It’s almost 4.”  
Seungyoun can feel his presence from somewhere next to his head and soon after the all-rounder hears a groan and sees Hangyul’s foot carefully taking a step forward, right next to his torso. The main dancer is walking around the sleeping bodies of his members, making his way next to his same age friend.

It takes him a few seconds to understand, both because it’s early morning (or is it late nigh) and because he was sure Hangyul had been sleeping next to him, but now he’s witnessing the boy he’s been trying help sleep all week going out of his way to sleep next to someone else.  
Like apparently he’s been doing all month.

He can barely see them now, what with the way they’re cuddling. But there’s not a single person awake besides them so he can hear them even though they’re muttering to themselves.

“You should do something about it, you know. I’m happy that you always come to me, but I’m starting to get worried. I know that Seungwoo’s herb tea isn’t working. Maybe you should ask Seungyoun hyung, I’m sure he’d like to help you. He has experience in pretty much everything, you never know.”

_I would, _he thinks, _I want to be the one you go to for comfort._

“I’m not asking Seungyoun hyung.”  
“Why? Is everything okay?”

He feels like he shouldn’t be listening, but the guy he likes is talking about him and he just wants to know why everyone gets to help him except from him.

“Yeah, yeah I just-“ Hangyul sighs. “I don’t know, I think he’d worry too much… I don’t want to see him getting worried because I can’t get a grip on myself.”  
The last part is almost whispered, as if the younger boy is somewhat ashamed and they all fall silent and Seungyoun thinks maybe they’re gone to sleep, but Yohan is whispering uncertainly again.

“Hangyullie, I’ve been meaning to ask you this for a while now.”

The centre’s voice is so tender and he once again has to fight the way he’s body just feels like punching someone and simultaneously fall apart every time he realises just how much those two care for each other.  
Seungyoun stares at Hangyul’s back as he sees Yohan’s head pop up from behind as he slowly gets halfway up, putting his weight on his elbow and angling himself towards his friend. He’s not sure if it’s just a trick of the light or if the former national athlete just shoot him a small glance, but he closes his eyes for precaution anyways and after a second of silence the black haired 99liner whispers again.

“The reason you can’t sleep, is the same as last time isn’t it? When you used to come to sleep in my room right after our debut, isn’t it?”

He’s aware that his body is tense, waiting for an answer that he’s been unconsciously waiting for. He opens his eyes again and sees how Yohan is still stealing glances at him. “You used to come to me and say Seungyoun hyung was making you uncomfortable back then, but you seem fine these days. Do you-” He’s slowly passing his fingers through the ash blond hair and the all rounder can’t but feel so jealous of the way he does it, like it’s a practiced motion.

_How many time has Yohan seen Hangyul fall asleep?_

“Yohan.” The sound of his voice for the first time in a while, sounds heavy and tired. “Can we talk about it another day? I just need to sleep for a little while.” He says reaching out for the hand that was on his head and takes it gingerly while turning to the other side. Yohan goes back to lying down too, but his hand doesn’t leave the other boy.  
“Sure thing, Gyul.”

Hangyul is facing him now, but his eyes are closed and peaceful.

It slowly kills Seungyoun, the way his eyes can’t ever see much but somehow right now, even without his glasses and in a barely lit room, he can see the way Yohan is caressing his friend’s hand as he starts humming.

*

When he wakes up in the morning, he’s tired and sad and he knows it shows. Wooseok ask’s him what’s with the pout he can’t seem to shake off his face and it only takes him a quick glance around to notice the two 99 liners still sleeping on the floor, facing one another now, their hands inches from each other. His same age friend tries to point out that even he and Junho cuddled and that Minhee and Eunsang are practically tied up together from how much they clung to each other in their sleep.  
But Seungyoun only shrugs.

It’s not the cuddling, that hurts him. It wakes up a fit of jealousy in him, that’s true, like every time someone seems to cling to Hangyul, but he’s forcing himself to grow used to it since there’s eleven of them and they all get clingy every now and then.  
It’s the fact that Yohan seemed so used to seeing Seungyoun’s roommate in that state. Tired and sleepy and stressed. And the way he talked like listening to Hangyul’s troubles was something he always did.

Seungyoun had always known to care for him, just as he did the other members, even before he started liking Hangyul. But now… Now that he spends every day falling a little deeper in love with him, the idea that he’s not the first person he’d go to when he was in trouble doesn’t just sting. It makes him feel useless and of course, Hangyul isn’t going to fall in love with him, if he can’t even be there for him, but he can’t be there for him if the younger doesn’t reach out to him.

He just can’t seem to get it and thinks about it all day.

_I can do that too, _he thinks, _I can cuddle with him and listen to him if he needs me and caress his hair._

And maybe if he shows Hangyul he can do it, his roommate won’t go looking for comfort in other people’s room. He’ll stay in their room and they’ll talk still and then they’ll fall asleep. Both of them.

So he plans to show him, that he can do it.  
And that he can do it better than Yohan.

*

He makes him tea that night, a mix of herbs Hyunggu has brought to him straight from Jakarta, it doesn’t taste as great as some of his others tea’s but it’s a spell on the nerves and the mind.  
He leaves it on his bedside as he prepares to take a shower with a note that says ‘I overdosed and made too much tea, no one else wants it so it’s yours now’. When he gets back from the bathroom he sees Hangyul taking the last few sips, already in his pj's and ready to fake himself going to sleep. Seungyoun kinda wants to slap him at that but in a loving way. He turns off the light as he does every night and switches on his bedside lamp, the room is suddenly taken over by a yellowish light.

He expects Hangyul to be taken aback and rightly so, they never really invade each other’s personal space aside from sometime holding hands or hugs during particularly happy occasions, yet he chuckles loudly when Hangyul double-takes at the casual manner his hyung has of jumping on his bed next to him.

“W..What are you doing, hyung?”  
“I’m staying here. With you. Until you fall asleep.”  
“Hyung…” his voice is shy and nervous and Seungyoun has never heard something quite as adorable. Not even Hyeongjun whining.  
“Don’t even try. I know all about it and you can come to me anytime, you know that right?” His voice gets a lot softer and serious, his head turns to his roommate and he stares in his eyes, always so warm and deep. Hangyul reluctantly smiles and nods.

“Good,” he says taking his hand lightly, placing it on his belly and staring at the ceiling.

He digresses on talking about what their manager said about Christmas schedules and end of the year Awards. And he talks about his worries over how the public will see them, if they’ll manage to win even after the vote scandals and if they don’t well, that’s not good publicity either, but they can’t give it for granted, because so many good groups debuted this year. He tries to keep his soft voice stable as he feels the younger’s eyes on him, staring at his profile every once in a while. He gives Hangyul room to answer back, hum in agreement or something, but it’s no use and every once in a while he needs to fish out responses from him. And that just brings back the memory of Yohan’s voice ‘_You used to come to me and say…’_

He wants to be there for Hangyul’s worries too.  
He lays on his side again, gripping Hangyul’s hand tighter in his, staring at the side of his face until he turns to meet his gaze.

“I thought we were going, good."  
“We are hyung.” He replies smiling, weakly.  
“Then why do you never come to talk to me about your problems?”

Hangyul looks at him for a moment and Seungyoun could fall in his eyes and never resurface, he seems to be thinking about what to say and he just goes back to stare at the wall above him.  
“I don’t want you to be that for me.” He says after a while “I don’t want to burden you with those things. You’re my funny hyung and I want you to stay like that, the person I go to laugh with.” He’s smiling, a real smile, but it doesn’t make Seungyoun feel better.  
“But I _want_ to be that for you.” He says stubbornly. “It’s not a burden and it doesn’t mean I’ll stop making you laugh. But I still want you to come to me when you have something going on in your head.” He sighs hoping Hangyul can understand just how much he worries for him.  
“You can’t just pretend everything is fine and not sleep at night and then nap in Dongpyo’s bed.”

Hangyul’s head snaps towards him and the force of the movement makes their heads a lot closer than they should be. The next sentence is almost a huff of air a few inches above the dancer’s nose.

“You have a perfectly comfortable bed here and I’ve been told I have a really nice singing voice. So promise me, you’ll come to me first next time.” Hangyul doesn’t answer, but his neck relaxes and he doesn’t break eye contact.

Seungyoun exhales deeply, trying not to shiver at the realization that if he just shifted his body they’d be kissing. He lays down, facing the wall again and starts slowly caressing Hangyul’s hand with his thumb.

“We can do something like this” he knows his smile can be heard from his tone. “Talking about our days until it’s late. And then I can sing you something, or you can sing me something.”

Before he knows it, it’s past midnight but Hangyul is still wide awake and he looks at him square in the face, face calm but eyes worried.

“You really can’t sleep these days, huh?”

Hangyul is suddenly tense, but stays silent and stares ahead.

“It’s okay, Hangyul. But one of these days you’ll have to tell me about it okay?”

Hangyul still doesn’t respond and only slightly glances at his roommate as the older raises a hand to gently force his eyes closed and starts humming.

“Goodnight, Hangyullie.”

The younger relaxes almost immediately and leans just an inch closer to his hyung’s side.   
It takes a little more than he expects, but Seungyoun is more than happy to spend his night like this. Singing the boy he loves to sleep, holding his hand, in their room. When the younger is finally asleep he goes back to his bed and turns off the light.

*

Turns out, the morning after when he hears Hangyul snoring softly in his bed, that if something can make him spend a better night than falling asleep with his crush’s voice in his ears, is the awareness that Hangyul fell asleep with his voice as lullaby.

Seungyoun gets used to it almost immediately, looking forward to going to sleep only so he can spend that hour or so putting his attention fully on Hangyul. Sometimes he still has to fish his troubling thoughts out of him, but they talk and the dancer sleeps and he’s so in love with how he manages to make it work. Hangyul never stands as close to him as the first night and he’s almost glad because he doesn’t know if he’d be able to hold himself back a second time. He never brings up why he has trouble sleeping either, but he’ll have time to ask again in the future he thinks.

Except for those few times in which the younger comes in their room too late (he’s back to watching dramas lately, but Seungyoun body anxiously wakes up in the middle of the night to make sure Hangyul goes to sleep), Seungyoun makes it a must in their nightly routine.  
He’s grown to love the sound of his voice accompanied by the other boy’s slow breathing.

Loves to be his personal lullaby and finds himself choosing certain songs, songs he’s never gonna sing again unless it’s in the safety of their room and solely for Hangyul’s ears.  
He sings Hangyul to sleep every night and thinks about it every day.

Until Seungwoo gathers them up for the Lunar Year dinner and while they make speeches about good health and good fortune and their future together, he’s too busy staring at Hangyul’s jawline that he almost misses the leader’s loud voice:

“Okay, time to choose the new rooms assignments.”

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this wasn't even supposed to happen because Yohan was already featured in It's Hard For Me To Say, but i've been getting so much Yohangyul love lately and I couldnt help myself, plus i needed a stepping stone for next chapter.
> 
> Anyways as you can see this is a lot softer than what i usually write but i think i needed this, plus now that he's in love i wanted Seungyoun to have a small break from the more angsty stuff.
> 
> Also I bet a lot of you can imagine where next chapter is going and i hope it's enough to keep you interested cause i might take a little more to update in the following months.  
Anyways yeah! Thanks for reading as always and any comment or kudos is welcome <3 <3  
If you have questions or just feel like it you can find me on twitter/curious cat @sun_shinejade
> 
> love always. :))


	4. I Love Him - Seungwoo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seungyoun doesn't see Seungwoo coming.  
Not with the rooms assignment, much less with everything else.  
Seungyoun breaks down.

_I love him_  
_But every day I'm learning_  
_All my life I've only been pretending_  
_Without me, his world will go on turning_  
_The world is full of happiness that I have never known_

_I love him_  
_(...)_  
_But only on my own_

* * *

“I- actually... Seungwoo hyung already asked me to room with him.”

That night, it seems to be the only sentence Seungyoun can think of.

*

They haven’t even finished eating yet. Eunsang is just setting down a plate of mochi when Seungwoo claps his hands to call for their attention.  
The black-haired all-rounder is too busy admiring the way Hangyul cranes his neck to look at the food that’s coming their way, and gosh he truly is falling in love with this guy. Either that or maybe his roommate is really so handsome that he can pull off even a slightly unshaved, no make-up face matched with an old, worn-out basketball jersey and baggy grey sweatpants. He tries to tear his gaze away to look at their leader, especially because Wooseok is nudging him to pay attention. Seungwoo looks a little tense for a moment, but smiles as usual and shares a quick look with Hangyul. Nothing too long or loving or anything, just two sets of eyes meeting from across the table and had it been anyone else Seungyoun wouldn’t have noticed, but he is learning to observe everything that involves Hangyul these days.

“Okay, time to choose the new rooms assignments.”

The announcement comes totally unexpected and Seungyoun feels like vomiting for a quick moment, with the way he almost physically feels a lump forming in his throat.

Dohyon is the fastest to react. Whether unconsciously or not, the maknae’s hand reaches out to his left and holds onto Hyeonjun’s thigh.  
“We’re changing rooms?” He says excitedly, smiling bashfully at the way Hyeongjun laughs at him.“I want the three people room downstairs with Hyeongjun hyung and Eunsang hyung!”

That’s enough for people to start looking around and laugh and ask loudly how are they choosing. Seungyoun doesn’t notice he’s trying to make eye contact with Hangyul until he feels a slight disappointment in the way the boy is simply laughing at Dongpyo’s polemical tone while gripping Junho’s shoulder.

“One at a time guys.” Seungwoo tries to regain some sort of peace in the room, in vain.  
“OH GOD! What the heck is that!?” He screeches in horror.

And suddenly everyone is looking behind Seungyoun to the corner of the room (himself included) and only when they shut up and realize that there’s nothing they go back to paying attention to their leader. The 96-liner wonders how many times more will they fall for that trick.

“Now as I was saying. I think we should sort out if anyone wants the three people room and then work out who takes the upper ones and the singles.” Before anyone could speak up, the leader held his hands up, signaling to take it easy.

“One at a time.”  
“I want the three one, with Eunsang hyung and Hyeongjun hyung.” Repeats Dohyon cutely. But Dongpyo barely lets him finish the sentence and complains loudly.

“You can’t say it like that, Dohyon! Now we’re gonna feel bad.”

It takes Seungyoun a second to notice how Hyeongjun’s smile is slightly apologetic and Yohan speaks up chuckling.

“Those two have been plotting to throw me out of my own room for months now, literally talking about rooming together since last year.”

Dohyon pouts, not bothering to pretend to be okay and actually overreacting on purpose turning his head away when Hyeongjun apologizes, he hears the youngest muttering how he’s cool with any roommate after all.

That’s when Seungyoun gets all excited because maybe he can still save his perfect little state of affairs and quickly nudges the chubby-cheeked rapper from under the table. He moves his eyes from one MBK boy to the other, smiling widely and eyes wide open in enthusiasm. The boy is so used to Seungyoun now that he doesn’t need much time to understand what his hyung is trying to tell him and nods excitedly.  
Seungwoo is saying something about how they have till after dinner to kind of talk it out and decide and that they’ll just gather on the couch at ten to finalize it and start moving the essentials, everything else is to be moved in the morning.

He brags to Wooseok excitedly about his perfect plan and his same-age friend shakes his head at the excitement that Seungyoun is showing, but he doesn’t really care, because he gets to stay rooming with the guy he loves and his little bro. He sees Wooseok make eye contact with the group’s center and quickly point to his chest and the other’s. Yohan gives him a thumbs up from across the room and the visual finger-guns him clicking his tongue. That’s literally the quickest he’s ever seen two people decide something, but Wooseok just shrugs saying that he was going to ask Seungyoun at first but since he had other plans he figures Yohan is a nice option for a roommate. Dongpyo is already talking about how to redecorate his new room with Hyeongjun and he sees Eunsang talk animatedly with Minhee.

He tries to find Hangyul and looks around a few times until he catches a glimpse of his strong frame carrying a bunch of saucepans back to the kitchen. He can’t say he’s surprised. While everyone is thinking about the rooms, the dancer is taking care of the dirty dishes and Seungyoun is once again left to wonder how can someone so funny and dumb and nice and handsome be also so domestic and mature.

_Husband material_.

Not that he thinks about marrying Hangyul, of course.  
They’re young and idols and he’s only accepted his feelings for the younger boy more or less five months ago.  
_But_ _yeah_, he thinks, _Hangyul is really made to be a husband. _  
It’s such an easy thing to imagine too. Seungyoun has seen Hangyul cook and do the laundry and fix the lightbulbs in their room and scold Minhee for messing up the recycling and playing with Tannie and reminding the kids to never skip breakfast. Not to mention those stupid jokes he makes all the time that are bound to turn into dad jokes sooner or later.  
The all-rounder stands up to follow his roommate in the kitchen, trying to shake off the pretty painting portraying Hangyul in an expensive apartment and homemade dinner and kisses at the end of a long day.

As he nears the kitchen, he hears the boy laugh at something Seungwoo is saying and actually almost bumps into the older as he’s going back to the dining room. There’s no one in the kitchen besides Hangyul making it easier for Seungyoun to corner him in front of the kitchen sink.

“Hey, ‘supp?” He whisper’s in what he hopes is a close enough proximity to be a tiny bit _intimate_, but still safe enough not to be considered downright flirting.

It’s a thing he’s been doing a lot lately, trying to slowly but surely test their boundaries and Hangyul seems to always get a little nervous and it makes him all giddy inside because he thinks that maybe something is happening between them. Either that or he’s making Hangyul uncomfortable and the mere concept terrifies him.

As he hoped, the younger boy looks slightly skittish and taken aback.

“Hyung! I didn’t hear you coming…” He says busing himself with washing the dishes.  
“Here, let me help.” He tries, inching closer and brushing their fingers lightly. The dancer’s ears get an unnatural shade of red and Seungyoun has to bite the inside of his cheek to stop himself from smirking.

“What..” Hangyul laughs awkwardly pushing the older guy back to his place. “There’s really no need, hyung. Plus there isn’t enough space for both of us to clean these. I can manage.”

Seungyoun leans against the counter in what he truly hopes is a casual and laid back pose, slightly tapping along the music that can be heard from the living room. He takes a deep breath and studies the tiles of the kitchen floor a little too deep to be regarded natural before speaking up.

“Looks like we’re finally changing rooms after all..” His chuckle sounds actually genuine and he kinda wants to pat himself on the back for his acting skills.  
“Huh? Oh, yeah. A bit unexpected if you ask me-“ Hangyul chuckles too and maybe it’s his mind playing tricks but it doesn’t really sound one hundred percent honest. “I guess we’ll have to close the HanSeung Cafe.”

The younger sounds both relaxed and tense, it’s a difficult thing to explain, it’s like he’s planned what to say so much that the naturalness in the tone sounds fake. But Seungyoun is too busy looking at the was Hangyul is flexing his forearms, bending over the sink to wash the plates, to truly make something out of it.

“We could always open a new cafe, though. Call it ChoNamGyul? Nah that sounds strange for a cafe, maybe… The Rocket.” He offers a small grin of complicity, but the younger looks at him clearly not understanding his point.

“Well, I thought, since someone has to take the triple anyways, we could room. I mean, I don’t think anyone would be too upset even if we chose to room together again. Like, no one seemed bothered when we roomed together during overseas schedules, right? So I just thought it’d be cool if the two of us were together. With Dohyon.”

He can feel his own smile breaking from one ear to the other and he doesn’t try to hide the fact that the prospect gets him reeling with anticipation. Seungyoun’s face muscles fall slowly and disappointedly as he notices the understanding dawning on his friend’s features. Noticing how he’s not lighting up in excitement as he hoped he would.  
Hangyul turns off the faucet and his hands are awkwardly stiff, dripping water on the shining surface of the sink, when he finally seems to look, as in truly look, in his friend’s eyes he gives him a small, apologetic smile.

“I- actually... Seungwoo hyung already asked me to room with him.” He pauses for a moment and scratches the side of his head with his still dripping finger. “And I already said yes, so …”  
Seungyoun is quick to stop him, trying not to leave a single second of silence in order to make it less uncomfortable than it already is.  
“Oh, cool. No yeah, don’t worry. It was just an idea, you know?”

He goes back to stare at the floor hoping his face is in check and not as red and embarrassed as he feels.  
“I mean I just- Seungwoo hyung always asks for the room for himself and everyone else pretty much decided already so I thought..” His voice is getting pathetically small as he keeps spluttering the first few words that come across his mind and he can just spy Hangyul’s body leaning awkwardly to the side.

Before the younger can actually say something, a soft set of footsteps comes their way and Seungyoun is almost glad to have a cue to leave the room with the little dignity he has left.  
Save for the fact that when his eyes lift up to look at who just stepped in the kitchen, he sees their leader. He looks even more handsome and nice than usual with his big, strong yet delicate hands carrying the glasses they used over dinner and with a light blue knitted jumper hugging his broad shoulders and with sleeves rolled up to his forearms.  
For a moment he doesn’t want to leave the guy he loves in the kitchen with the older hyung, but Seungwoo speaks up to address the twenty-year-old and Seungyoun doesn’t want to be in the kitchen to hear them talk either.  
“Wow, Gyullie. You already started cleaning? You should have waited for me to help you.”

He doesn’t bother to stay longer, not with how he can see his hyung is casually leaning over Hangyul’s side to reach for the clean dishes and starts to wipe them dry or the way he’s giving the younger boy that infuriatingly dazzling airplane smile of his.  
He barely hears the way Hangyul answers at Seungwoo’s questions. Barely, but he hears.

“What did Seungyoun want?”

“Oh nothing important, don’t worry.”

*

To make things worse, he doesn’t have a plan b and when he gets back to the living room Dohyon runs up to him with an awkward smile, fidgeting with his fingers.

“Hyung! Look, I talked with Seungwoo hyung and he said he’s rooming with Hangyul hyung and that means we can’t be the three of us like you wanted.” He tries to butt in, to say something, anything that might help him feel less pathetic at the reminder that he got turned down. Dohyon is not done talking yet and keeps on going as if he’s trying to rap or something. “And well Junho hyung said he wants to try staying in the single room and Eunsang and Minhee are set on rooming in the triple. So since I really don’t want a room on my own… do you mind?”

Seungyoun’s brain is lagging, but after a moment he understands what Dohyon is asking him and he hadn’t realized that having Hangyul say no to his offer was going to bring him in this situation.

He stops for a second and he should nod in order to stop Dohyon from fidgeting so much, but his brain is in need of a mental check on what the other members seem to have decided.  
_We have three doubles, a triple and two singles. Hyeongjun and Dongpyo are already redecorating, Wooseok and Yohan decided in a flash, Seungwoo snatched away Hangyul, Junho is taking a single, Minhee and Eunsang want the triple and Dohyon can’t sleep on his own… That means… that means.._

It breaks his heart more than he expects. But he nods anyway and tries to give his most cheerful smile. And just in time, Seungwoo calls for their attention.

He’s too busy trying to understand how he’s feeling about this situation to pay any attention, but he can see the surprised and slightly confused look that Wooseok throws in his direction when Hangyul brags about not having to move anything. Seungyoun wants to shrug and make his friend understand that there’s no need to be concerned and for a second he thinks he can do it, but then his sharp eyes catch the way Hangyul clings like a child to Seungwoo’s side. And everything is a blur after that. He can vaguely recall taking the first few things belonging to him that he can spot and then locking himself up in his room. Everyone else is too taken with the rearrangement to notice, or at least he hopes. He crosses paths with Dohyon as the boy is happily taking his things from the upper floor to the downstairs one. The moment he sees him, the tall maknae is apologizing again saying he’s sorry that Seungyoun ended up in the solo room.

“It’s okay Dohyonie and you can always visit your number one hyung whenever you want, alright? Plus at least I can get some time off you annoying kids.” For a moment he’s actually laughing;

the youngest gives him a fake pout only to go back to happily sorting his stuff.

He thinks he can go back to his room and spend some time alone, he’s expecting a call from Hyunggu anyways and he needs some time to understand what he’s feeling. But Wooseok is harder to shake off than Dohyon.

“Don’t you have to move your clothes in the new room or something?” Seungyoun rubs his eyes tiredly and gracefully goes to lay down on his bed.

“I’ve already done that, don’t worry.”

In Wooseok’s vocabulary, that means he just randomly threw everything in a bag and took it upstairs. Almost a year and he still can’t believe how incredibly messy this otherwise perfect man actually is.

“Now, care to explain why Seungwoo hyung is acting like a newly wed wife with Hangyul?”

_Well, that I really didn’t need to know._

He’s thankful that he’s talking with Wooseok, at least he doesn’t need to hide the visible wince.

“I mean I wouldn’t think much of it, hyung is clingier than he looks like. But I didn’t expect him to ask Hangyul out of everyone. Actually, I was pretty sure he was going to ask you with the way he acted at dinner."  
“I know! We’ve always been close, sure. But I didn’t notice them getting _that_ close… Couldn’t Gyul just go room with Yohan? It took me weeks to get used to _those_ two, don’t tell me now I have to worry about Seungwoo hyung too.” He groans turning dramatically in his bed.  
“Wait- What do you mean? How did heact during dinner?”

Wooseok shrugs half heartedly.  
“Just kept glancing at you. Wasn’t even subtle about it. But I suppose you were to taken staring at your lover boy to even realise it.”

There’s a strange silence after that and Seungyoun can’t quite comprehend what he’s supposed to think anymore. Wooseok leaves after a while, saying that he didn’t want to make him overthink more than he already does on a regular. He appreciates it of course. It doesn’t make him feel anymore calm and he keeps laying there restlessly meditating.

At a certain point, he stands up to turn off the lights and go to sleep.  
He stumbles in a few bags and only then he notices how much lonelier this rooms seems and it’s not just because he’s alone.

Nothing is where it used to be, he should have noticed. He had spent so much time in this room, pouring to Seungwoo all his worries and problems and feelings, he knows this room better than anyone else, but now it feels different. Because now it’s not Seungwoo’s anymore, it’s his. While Seungwoo is sleeping in his bed, putting clothes in his drawers, using his bedside lamp and talking with his Hangyul.  
And he softly kicks the bags to the side and they are so full some of the things fall out of it. He can see a bunch of neatly folded clothes and random objects: a few frames and a couple of fans’ gifts.

_Seungwoo is a neat guy, nothing more._

He wants to keep it at that, not let his mind wonder further, but he keeps noticing how all belongings are stored away, perfectly too. And there’s no way Seungwoo had time to do it after dinner, he was cleaning in the kitchen.

_He was ready to leave. He wasn’t planning on keeping the solo room anyway. He must have thought on who he wanted as a roommate for a while. Longer than any of us for sure._

He likes Seungwoo. He’d probably be half in love with him if it wasn’t for their main dancer. Maybe that’s why this feels like even worse a betrayal.  
He forces himself to fall asleep, for the first time not accompanied by Hangyul’s breathing.  
He refuses to acknowledge the fact that he can only imagine Seungwoo holding the boy’s hand like he used to or the small tears that escape his eyes at the thought.

“Goodnight.”

He says it out loud, a force of habit.  
Another tear escape when he doesn’t hear that voice say _‘Good night, hyung’._

*

Days go by, and after that weeks and Seungyoun is getting used to it.  
It still hurts if he thinks too much about it which is why he tries not to.  
The only way he can think of to clear this situation completely is to bring it up. And he knows he can’t just go tell Seungwoo he can’t sleep peacefully at night because he’s too occupied wondering if there’s something he missed in the development of the leader’s friendship with Hangyul.  
So he bites the inside of his cheeks and jokes about how much of a fanboy the dancer is when it comes to their hyung. (How he manages to not let his envy for his hyung shine through is still a mystery, but Seok has confirmed that he sounds amused and teasing as usual.)

There are still some signs here and there. Signs that he’s not quite so cool about all this.

He has never stepped inside the room, for example. Not once in the past eighteen days.  
He’s not sure if he can handle that, just the small glimpse of Seungwoo’s frames replacing his keyboard on the desk makes him scoff in a jealous irritation that he’s been doing his best to keep at bay.

He wonders if anyone noticed. Wooseok did, he told him himself. But Wooseok also knows about his feelings for their dongsaeng and also happens to be his closest friend in the group.  
He knows he can’t take it much longer and that sooner or later he’ll end up either reaching out for him in their old room or pushing him inside his new one.  
Because he misses him, he misses him so damn much.  
Truth be told part of him thinks he has no reason to miss him. He and Hangyul are falling back to that comfortable friendly pace they had a life time ago. All jokes and laughter and impromptu skits throughout the day. And this means that outside looking in, most people would probably think they are closer now than they were a month ago.

As for Seungyoun… Well, he’s pretty willing to give up some of that laughing and fooling around if it means getting one night, just one night of holding him, talking and sharing thoughts over some chill indie music he was forcing Hangyul to get into.

But he can’t have that anymore, so he plans to just take what he can get (and maybe some more) without overthinking or overreacting.  
But apparently, things are easier said than done.

He has only realised it recently: how much he’s actively trying to sabotage them (which actually translates to: Wooseok registered it, confronted him about it and only then it dawned on Seungyoun.)  
And now he’s scared of being obvious. 

Ever since the visual has pointed out his behaviour out he is suddenly aware of it too.  
He is fully aware of the fact that he has a tendency to stare at them when they’re together. Aware that he makes faces when they seem to share an inside joke or the fact that he always tries to divert attention from Hangyul when he starts talking about what he and Seungwoo are up to in their room on a daily.

Not to mention that apparently, not only he was reacting weirdly at any mention or sign of Hangyul and Seungwoo being roommates; now he has taken a subconscious tendency to make sure those two were never alone for long. And that means a lot of effort to keep them out of their room seeing he refuses to go in there. Thinking carefully, he can recall asking Hyeongjun to tell his favourite hyung to come out of the room so that Seungwoo could rest without worrying over the dancer’s loud shenanigans. Or that time he asked Seungwoo if they could talk just the two of them about some concerns he had. (He did have some doubts and worries but the fact that he chose to talk about them the same night he heard Hangyul say he just downloaded a new movie on his computer wasn’t exactly a coincidence.) But most importantly he was never too far away from either of them when they were hanging out. Either sticking to his hyung’s side or throwing and arm over the younger’s shoulders.

Sometimes he was too much, he knew that too, but he hopes that having a renown loud and caring personality can be an excuse to mask his apprehension and clinginess as regular funny Seungyoun that liked playing around with his former roommate or regular soft Seungyoun that Seungwoo hyung relied on.

But hoping not to be too obviously jealous is a long way from actually not seeming jealous. And in retrospection, he should have seen it coming.

*

It’s a Sunday afternoon and they have nothing to do, so Yohan wants to go on a drive and drags Hangyul and Dongpyo with him. Wooseok is meeting up with some friends and the starship kids are off fetching some of their old stuff they never bothered retrieving from their old dorm. Junho and Eunsang are supposedly at the studio to study in a less distracting environment but seeing Dohyon tagged along he’s pretty sure they’re not getting much stuff done. He was supposed to leave too and meet up with Yugyeom and some other friends, but the 97 liner is coming down with a flu or something and the others agreed to just postpone it. He plans on doing something, not sure of what yet, but something.

_Han river sounds nice, it’s still too cold for people to actively spend a lot of time there so I don’t think there will be people to bother me._

He’s literally about to get up and fetch his winter down jacket and a brand new lyric notebook when Seungwoo knocks on his already open door.

He doesn’t bother to answer, mostly because the leader doesn’t wait for a reaction before walking to a chair, he pushes it closer to the bed and sits. It doesn’t need a genius to understand that it’s an unvoiced request to sit as well.

They stand in silence for a second, the older staring at a spot on his pants and Seungyoun is a little worried, but more than anything he is lost.

When Seungwoo finally does look at him, he looks serious and tired and maybe even disappointed.

“I don’t know how to put it, so I’ll just say it without mincing words.” His voice breaks the silence with a somber and grave tone. _It’s his leader voice._

_“_Do you like Hangyul?”

Seungyoun chokes on air, not trusting his own ears. But Seungwoo doesn’t tear his gaze away and the younger can feel his eyes prying into his soul. He coughs and presses his palms to his thighs to stabilise himself before looking back at his leader.

“I don’t know where this comes from” he starts, giving his best smile “but sure of course I like Gyul, he’s like one of my closest-“

“_Seungyoun_…”

Seungyoun stills. He never heard that kind of voice from Seungwoo, it’s so cold and serious and low. The all-rounder’s hands stop on top of his thighs and he meets his hyung’s eyes. It bothers him, the way in only five words since he got in the room the older guy has managed to sound so upset and he tries to still his face in a blank expression.  
The leader exhales deeply, almost in pain and his gaze softens as he presses his palms on his face groaning.

“Look, I’m here to understand what’s really going on. You can’t blame me for worrying about this. We’re a team, whatever goes on behind closed doors affects us whether or not the fans and press know about it or not. I wish I could say that I’m here as _‘Seungwoo hyung’ _that wants to know your heart and be on your side and support you, but honestly, right now I’m here as X1’s leader Han Seungwoo. I know it sounds cold said it like this, but as your leader, I need to know the truth and do things to make sure we stay united as best as we can.”

He can’t truly comprehend the point that the other is trying to make with that little speech of his and honestly it’s making him frown, half ready to bring up some walls he thought he could leave to the ground when talking to his hyung. Silence seems to be too much for Seungwoo this time and when he speaks again there’s some sort of frustrated disbelief underneath the breathy whisper.

“I’ve been keeping an eye on you, Seungyoun.”

The older guy is leaning forward now, long limbs folded to have his elbows resting on his knees. He rests his chin on the back of his palm, but regardless of the relaxed pose, there is not a single nerve in his body that isn’t in tension.

“I don’t just mean this past two weeks. I’ve watched you for longer and I can’t help thinking I’m right. But I don’t want to be right, follow me Seungyoun?”  
And he is following, quite intently too because he knows where this is going. “I don’t want to be right, because you are the second most mature person in this group, no matter how much you joke. And as the second most reliable member, you can’t- you just can’t risk doing this to our team. So I’m pretty sure that I’m not right, you’ve been in this industry longer than any of us you know better.”

Seungyoun feels a knot in his throat, burning him from the inside. He can’t believe the words he’s hearing. Not just because of what they say, but because of the tone. Seungwoo sounds so desperate and anxious and he keeps talking about it as if Seungyoun is committing a crime.

So he stays silent again, fearing that if he tried to to talk that painful stinging in the back of his throat will travel up to his eyes and fill them with tears.

“Please say something… Anything.” And he wishes he could but he can’t because Seungwoo is looking at him the way you look at someone who just stabbed you in the back.  
“Tell me there’s a reason beside what I’m thinking right now, that’s pushing you to treat him like this.”  
There’s a deafening sound in his brain that shut’s down every other, he can’t hear the sound of the rain outside, or the ticking of the clock or the buzzing of his phone. He can only hears this horrible white noise in his head and the way Seungwoo’s whispers sound like screamed accusations.

“I don’t know where all this comes from. I don’t know what you mean, I haven’t treated Hangyul in any particular way.” When he somehow manages to squeeze the words out of his mouth, his eyes don’t move from the small spot on the carpet that he accidentally made with spilled coffe.

Seungwoo breathes deeply and his shoulders come up from the slouched posture to rest on the backrest of the chair. The leader stares at him so long he can’t help but look up after a while, and something in the older’s eyes that make Seungyoun rise his chin in defiance.  
Apparently, it’s not something Seungwoo likes much. He’s words are aimed now, planned to make him react.

“So you’re telling me I’ve been imagining you staring at him every chance you get. I’ve been imagining the way you glared at me after New Years dinner or the fact that I can’t spend a moment with Hangyul without you tagging along. And if you’re not with us you’re sending people our way. I’ve also imagined the way Wooseok keeps winking at you if you and Hangyul are anywhere near each other or the fact that he smirks in your direction if he and Hangyul are close. Also, Minhee totally imagined hearing you fight with him that time in September and Yohan misread your behaviour when he heard you being rude to Sihun that very same day or last month when he heard you singing Hangyul to sleep.”

The white noise in his ears gets louder and for a moment it sounds like people laughing and he can’t stand it. Can’t stan how all the things he’s done are being listed as a series of unforgivable crimes.

“Wow, hyung. I didn’t know I was being so closely watched. Had I known I would have started wearing make up indoors too.” He says with a scoff, his words filled with as much poison as the older’s sounded to him. It’s not the way he should talk to a hyung, most definitely the way he should talk to his leader, but he feels too cornered to feel any kind of remorse.

“I’m sorry for not finding a better way to talk about this. But I only want you to be honest about this situation, with me and with yourself. Only the truth.”

He doesn’t bother trying to cover up a glare, not with the way his busy keeping his body in check. Seungyoun is not the type to fight. But Seungwoo is really pushing his buttons right here.

He stands up in a whisper. “You don’t want the truth.”  
For a moment he wonders if he said it too quietly, but his leaders eyes soften further in almost pity.

“You don’t need to worry, hyung. I know how this job works and I would never dream of doing anything that might jeopardise are position as a rookie group. So don’t ever imply anything that includes me, Hangyul and the world love. It’s not happening and it’s never gonna happen, so don’t bother making a fuss. Hangyul is a friend, but there is no way in this life that I will ever feel anything deeper than friendly camaraderie.”

With every word, he says he can feel his eyes getting more watery and he has to face away and towards the wall.  
“Anything I might have done that made it seem otherwise was simply misread and I will do my best to avoid ever behaving in an ambiguous manner.”

His voice is loud and clear, never once breaking from beginning to the end, so that even if he’s facing the opposite direction Seungwoo can hear him easily from his spot on the chair. They stay silent and when he hears the leader getting up he half wishes for him to leave him alone in his room, so that he can let the tears flow more easily.

He feels a hand on his shoulder that slowly turns him around.  
When their eyes meet, gone is the cold and strict leader and his friend Seungwoo is back, with a broken tenderness in his eyes. Seungyoun’s voice is small and shattered:  
“Is that what you wanted to hear, _leader-him_?”

A sob escapes him and he hates the idea of anyone seeing him crying like this, but at least it’s muffled by Seungwoo’s sweater clad shoulder.  
“I’m so sorry, Seungyounie. I’m so sorry I was so harsh.” And the all rounder wants to get mad, because who the hell does Seungwoo think he is to literally break him like this and then apologise so genuinely. “But I had to, otherwise you wouldn’t have understood.”  
“Is it really so bad?” He doesn’t mean to say it out loud, but it slips and crying is making him both tired and dizzy. “Is it really so bad to love him?”

“No, of course, it isn’t.” Seungwoo leads him to test on the bed, never breaking their embrace.  
“If we were normal- If we had normal lives I would be here and I would try and help you win his heart.” The older gives him slow, gentles caresses on his back, in rhythm with his sobs. “But right now I need to think about the team and this isn’t favourable. If you don’t control yourself, it’ll make things tense within the team. And mostly between you and Hangyul.”

“But no, you see. I think things are changing. And maybe Hangyul doesn’t feel the same way right now, but I feel like maybe he’s starting to. Because things are-“  
“Things are shifting in your relationship, right?” Seungyoun feels lost again because the older guy just let go of his hold on him to look deep in his eyes. With a soft, apologetic whisper he adds:  
“That’s what Hangyul said as well. That things had been changing. He never said your name, or his for the matter. Said things were changing in the group dynamics. Mostly between two people; he said someone looked like he was falling in love. And Hangyul worried it might affect the team negatively if they spent more time together.”

Seungyoun leans back. He needs space to process what his hyung is telling him and he wants Seungwoo to pause for a second because his heart and mind feel like they’re about to explode.  
After a moment the older continues speaking. “At first I thought he was talking about himself, but then I noticed how you looked at him. How you’re always sneaking up glances to see how he reacts at things, how your face lights up when he cracks a joke. And I thought maybe Hangyul was right.”

Seungyoun can’t fully grasp the new information. He doesn’t think he wants to understand, because it implies Hangyul not feeling the same way. It implies Hangyul feeling the complete opposite to the point of searching for the leaders opinion.  
“And you came up with the excuse of new rooms? And you chose Hangyul?” He whispers.

He’s right after all. Seungwoo truly thought the new arrangements through and all because Seungyoun is risking the team’s balance by falling in love with someone who sees him only as a friend. The leader bites his lip in thought and Seungyoun reads right through him.  
“What is it? You can tell me, since we’re being so honest with each other.”

“It wasn’t my idea. It was Hangyul’s. He asked me to make a suggestion and to be his new roommate a few weeks ago.”

Somehow that’s it. That’s the phrase that evens his breathing and dries his eyes. His mind is clear from all thoughts and all feelings except utter and complete defeat.

After that, he only asks for some time alone with his thoughts and Seungwoo leaves, reluctantly and slowly, but he leaves.  
When he gets out of his room it’s time for dinner and all his composure is almost thrown out the window as he sees Hangyul.  
_How can someone be so beautiful even as he breaks your heart?_

It takes him a second too long to register how the dancer puts together a poorly thought excuse to skip dinner the very moment Seungyoun steps in the kitchen. And this time the only way he can think of not to crack his calm facade is to grab his coat and scream over his shoulder that he made plans with his friends.

*

He spends the night out.  
Not completely sure doing what.  
A little bit thinking, a little bit crying, a little bit staring into nothingness.  
Until he reaches Yugyeom’s door.

Euigyeom lets him in without a world and calls for his brother.  
In all honesty, Seungyoun can’t recall what happens after that.  
Only that as he ends up laying on the Kim brothers’ sofa and tries to stop himself from thinking about Hangyul, his perfect smile and tries not to hope for something to change.  
He fails, staring at the ceiling fully knowing Hangyul on the other side of the city hasn’t even noticed Seungyoun still hasn’t returned home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woooooo.  
It feels like I haven't updated in years and I was so anxious because of it.  
I hope you guys like it.  
I had bad feelings about it for the longest time, which is why it took so long! But right now I actually like it a lot. It's more angst-filled than I planned (mostly cause at first they were supposed to talk it out, but if they keep getting closer this story won't have a turning point)  
In the end, it simply came out like this and now Seungyoun is 'sure' his love is one-sided which will make the dynamics better (they are both actively trying to move on now...).  
Also about Seungwoo, it hurt me so much to not write him as supportive and loving as I wanted, but he felt like the only person who could do it. And also he seems to actively separate his more loving and easygoing side from his more strict and charismatic leader side, so yeah... I'm sorry we didn't get an actual ryounseung centered moment (like we did seungseok or yohangyul) it'll try to do something next time...
> 
> anyways thanks so much for reading!!  
if you want to be friends or have questions or requests or anything like that come talk to me in the comments section or on twitter @sun_shinejade  
<3 <3  
Have a great week end!


	5. You're My Home - The Unit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hangyul wants to introduce Ryounseungcat to his hyungs.  
His hyungs are overprotective and don't trust them at all.  
Jeup is mama bear (fox) ready to kill anyone coming for Gyul.

_나는 이렇게 너를 보내고 싶지 않아_   
_맘이 부서진 채로 매일 무섭고 싶지 않아_   
_나는 너에게 있을 곳_   
_너는 나에게 있을 곳_

_Cause I’m your home home home home_   
_Cause I’m your home home home home_   
_Because you’re my home home home home_   
_네가 울 수 있는 곳, 나도 울 수 있는 곳_

_I don’t wanna let you go like this_   
_I don’t want to be scared with a broken heart_   
_I’m the place you can come to_   
_You’re the place I can go to_

_Cause I’m your home home home home_   
_Cause I’m your home home home home_   
_Because you’re my home home home home_   
_A place you can come to, a place I can go to_

* * *

Seungyoun is the group’s resident insider, always been from the very start, mostly self-entitled but in his opinion rightly so and everyone always treats him as if he was friends with the whole world so… It’s not a competition, but he’s kinda proud of it, after all, his friends are the best part of his hellish and sometimes depressing early career.

That aside, he knows they all have their own connections all over the industry. Sometimes it’s not that surprising, like Seungwoo’s sister coming to visit them when they have photoshoots and filming or hearing Eunsang on the phone with Daehwi. Other times it’s more surprising like hearing a very loud _“Wooshin-oppa congrats on debuting!” _from an overly excited Somi (yes, the _freaking nation’s center_ Somi) waving from the other side of the venue and Wooseok just smiling and yelling back _“Sorry for not being center like you, Somi-ya”_, or Monsta X pinching Hyeongjun’s cheeks during music shows backstages or iz*one’s Wonyoung calling Minhee “oppa”.

Somewhere in his mind, he does know that if there’s one member who has almost as many connections as him it’s probably Hangyul, because of that program he did.  
He doesn’t really know the extent of his connections, just that a lot of people know Hangyul.  
People from high places too.  
(No one can erase from his memory that time the whole group ran into Rain during an awarding and they were all shy and starstruck except Hangyul who just ran up to him yelling “Hyuuuung~”.)

_The Unit_, he remembers reading the articles and he’s almost sure he participated to some extent in producing some tracks. But he never bothered watching it when it first aired. It came out in a time he thought he was over that whole idol world. Now he doesn’t have enough alone time to stream it, not with Seungwoo following his every move to make sure he’s still not heartbroken about _that._

Yeah… about that.

These days Seungwoo makes it a personal goal to keep Seungyoun company, make sure he and Hangyul don’t get too close and at the same time make sure they’re still friendly.

Looking back, there’s a strange week after that one night, in which he and Hangyul don’t speak to each other and barely even greet one another in the morning.

He likes to think it’s the flu. Something he’s glad for because at least he has areason to not get out of the bed and stay all alone wallowing in self-pity. He’s aware he shouldn’t do this to himself, shouldn’t lock himself in his lonely room where his thoughts can haunt him. But it’s the only thing he has the strength to do for a while.  
He was a dumbshit, he admits it rather easily in that sickish state of his. He was so focused on living his best life with the guy he loved that he never even noticed how much he was risking.

He wonders, those days between one feverish nap and the other if he can just pretend it’s nothing. But the rare times he gets out of his room, he sees the way the younger looks like a mess, eyes tired, body tense, staring at his phone then at Seungyoun and back to his phone with a frustrated look. He feels the strain in his own voice as he tries to say something more interesting than just “_good morning_” and the urge to flee every time Hangyul looks like he needs a hug.  
A strange, _strange_ week indeed.

But it passes rather quickly and it also gives him time to think rationally about what to do. By the time the flu is completely gone, it seems like whatever Hangyul has is slowly wearing off, too.  
He still gives himself room to be self-indulgent at times, even _after _he gets back in health. Some people say that when you’re sick or in pain your soulmate get’s influenced by it as well and late at night he likes to entertain himself with that alternative universe.

Except they can’t be soulmates, not when the main dancer asked himself for space and clearly friend-zoned him.  
Not that Seungyoun can hold it against him. Both because it’s Hangyul and because he learned that unrequited love is more common than one would think. And you simply can’t force your love on someone.

That doesn’t mean he’s trying to get over Hangyul. Not really.

He tries for a couple of months, but the more he tells himself to stop feeling like that the more he just ends up falling a little more.

*

They hit a speed bump, faster than expected and it makes Seungyoun’s head hit, a little shy from kindly, the side of the car.

That’s enough to shake his mind away from _that_ train of thought that sees him and Hangyul with matching soulmate tattoos or stuff like that. He glances around the car to Wooseok slightly bobbing his head to the radio and next to him the subject of his troubling thoughts tapping his fingers rhythmically against the wheel. He needs to gather more strength than usual to look away from the excited grin on Hangyul’s face.

_Gosh, he looks so damn good today, _he thinks quickly scanning the boy for the 3rd time in half an hour. He’s wearing an orange sweater that is far too big on him, masking the outstanding set of muscles Seungyoun knows all too well. It’s a very different look from the white, perfect fitting t-shirts he wears most of the time and it makes him look softer, cuter and younger.

He knows he’s staring and thanks god the main dancer is too busy driving to notice. He feels a small tingling on the side of his neck and his head snaps to look out of the window, suddenly very aware of the set of eyes staring at his profile.  
It’s Seungwoo hyung, gently humming next to him from under his mask.  
He doesn’t need to see his hyung’s mouth to know he’s giving the all-rounder a supportive yet tense smile.

The leader is far too smart to expect Seungyoun to be over that whole thing in barely two months, but he never, ever explicitly brings it up and always treats him with utter kindness and understanding, telling him that as long as he’s not hurting himself or anyone, he has all the time of the world to deal with his feelings in whichever way he’s more comfortable. Seungyoun is glad he’s been here next to him the past months and whenever he feels like he might do something ambiguous that might give away what he truly feels he just asks the leader (and sometimes Wooseok too) to tag along.

Yohan usually ends up tagging along as well, which means that even if things with Hangyul make him really confused and sometimes he feels like something shifted horribly in their relationship, he is actually quite happy now that the hyung-line spends so much time together.

He keeps on staring at the streets of Seoul.  
There’s a soft, diffused light signalling the impending spring, calming his confused mind. He tries to recall his own train of thoughts backwards, knowing that there used to be a point to his inner monologue before he deviated from his own thoughts.

_Hyung-line - not moving on - Seungwoo - Hangyul - the Unit - connections._

He closed his eyes for a moment, letting the cold car window cool down his slightly tense forehead.  
_The Unit. Connections._

Those are the focus points of his inner ramblings, or better yet the point because 80% of Hangyul’s connections come from The Unit and apparently today is the day Seungyoun gets to meet some of the said relations.  
So today is important.  
He doesn’t really understand the depth of what they have planned.  
For Seungwoo it’s an interesting prospect, meeting new people to get inspiration from, to talk about lots of things he cares about, music, art, industry, _Hangyul. _Or just to have the pleasure of meeting fellow idols in a less strict and formal setting.  
Wooseok thinks it’s simply a way to spend the day away from the same old walls of their agency or their dorm. And because Hangyul asked so nicely. Because, no matter how fun it is to tease and bicker with the younger, the visual is still inclined to let him win every once in a while.

For Seungyoun, well it’s a little bit of both and more. He loves meeting new people; the idea of making new friends always excites him to the bone, getting to know someone he can share something with, who are just like him or completely different. There’s always something to learn and to discover and these guys are really cool according to Hangyul.  
The smaller guy walked up to him the previous week, so starry-eyed and happy as if they didn’t grow distant in the past month, saying he was going to an exhibition and he wanted him and his other two hyungs to tag along. And really, not even a homebody, shy, done with the world introvert could ever consider saying no to the hopeful face Hangyul gave him.

At first, it seems really out of character to hear Hangyul rant about this exhibition he’s so thrilled for but Seungyoun is just planning to use this invitation as a way to test how much he’s still whipped for the younger, wanting to find a moment just for the two of them away from Wooseok and Seungwoo.

_Not too much. Far enough to see how he is when it’s just the two of us, close enough for me to run back to the guys if things get weird._

Because as much as he tells himself being head over heels for his friend is cool as long he can keep it a secret, he needs to know if things between them are in fact shaky or uneasy.

It’s Wooseok, commenting on Hangyul’s excitement, that makes him understand he might have to postpone his plan.

“It’s his hyung’s exhibition, after all. And I heard Yohan complain he can’t come to meet them, in_ plural, _so I guess it won’t be just one hyung, but a bunch. I think he’s more excited about seeing them again than anything.” Wooseok laughs, beaming at Hangyul and Seungwoo chuckles too with the same affection in his eyes.

“Hyung-line or not, you can’t deny Hangyul is a really good dongsaeng.”

But Seungyoun is still frowning confused, not knowing what they’re talking about.  
When he confronts his same-aged friend he only gets a roll of the eyes.

“You didn’t even bother to look up where we’re going, huh? You just said yes cause Hangyul asked, unbelievable.” there’s no judgment in his voice, only amusement. “_Feeldog-ssi_.”

He’s a little disappointed he can’t do as he was hoping, but he gets to meet people close to the guy he’s so desperately in love with so maybe it could turn into something meaningful. Maybe he and Hangyul are on the path to making things as they were. Maybe introducing them to his other friends is a sign they can all be friends and things don’t have to be slightly awkward.

_Things won’t ever be like they were, cause you’re in love with him, but maybe he’s beginning to think you’ve moved on and maybe you’ll get good enough at acting and he’ll think you’re back to be the hyung that takes care of him.  
_

Before even realizing it, they’re there. Wherever ‘_there’_ is.  
Stepping out, he feels the wetness of the early rain still lingering in the air even after hours. They’re in front of a modern building. Nothing Seungyoun has the mental strength to recognize at the moment. Wooseok looks slightly chilly in his sweater and he doesn’t expect it to be so cold either, but Hangyul seems to take no notice. He bites back the shiver that comes with remembering just how it felt to have the boy next to him on cold nights, his body running like a furnace.

There’s a boy, in big round specs with green lenses and a bright light blue bucket hat. Everything about him, from the tall Nikes to the baggy shirt peeking under an equally baggy hoodie, screams swag and it’s really hard to miss him.  
The kid, is looking at them and maybe it’s his half-blindness or maybe the fact that this guy has most of his face covered, but in particular, he seems to be staring at _him_. Until he isn’t, because Hangyul takes a step forward, tentatively almost like a toddler and open his arms wide the moment he gets directly in front of the swaggy kid.

They hug fiercely. Only after they break apart and the nameless kid takes off his glasses, Seungyoun sees a far older face than expected. _Not a kid. Just a short dude… like really short._

He’s pretty sure it’s not the nicest thing he can think, but it’s true. Next to him Hangyul looks tall and lean and he’s ready to bet that even Wooseok is taller than this guy, but he can also see the reverence in Hangyul’s stance, the admiration in his eyes and how the guy simply stands out, not only for the clothes he’s wearing but his whole aura.

Their dongsaeng looks at them expectantly, waiting for them to come forward, looking very close to making grabby hands in their direction. There’s something half endearing and half unsettling in the way Hangyul suddenly looks a lot younger.

He’s practically bouncing in excitement when the three reach them and yeah, Seungyoun has worked it out already, but still feels a little taken aback when the small guy introduces himself as Feeldog.

Seungyoun misses the timing to ask him how old he is and now, as the guy is casually leading them inside, he’s left to wonder which grade of formality he’s supposed to keep.  
_Fuck, _this is really making him unusually nervous.

“You’re lucky you’re cute, Hangyullie.” Feeldog’s chuckle sounds like Seungwoo’s when he talks to Junho. “The others don’t exactly shine when it comes to patience and you’re already forty minutes late, you punk.”

Seungyoun catches Hangyul pouting. He’s not making any effort into hiding it and it’s one of the cutest things the all-rounder saw in the past month.

The hyung, _he presumes he is a hyung anyways, _booms in joyful laughter and pokes his cheeks.

“Hangyul still likes to aegyo his way around, huh?” He says looking at them and the all-rounder can only guess that he’s mirroring the same confused frown as Seungwoo right now.  
_Hangyul rarely ever purposely acts cute._

_“_I don’t do aegyo, hyung!” Hangyul’s tone is a lot cuter than anything the 96-liner ever received so the statement doesn’t really stand and Feeldog must feel the same cause he simply sighs patting the younger’s chest. “One of these days your pouts aren’t gonna work anymore, maybe once you reach my age… unless it’s Hojung and Jeup, those two are whipped for you.”

It’s the strangest scene, mostly because it’s unexpected. He thought he’d meet someone, yeah, but he imagined a bro-fist and Hangyul sticking to his x1 hyungs looking like he needed _their_ approval and not the other way around.

“Take a look around, I sent the others to get some stuff to cook back at my place, so we should have some peace for a little bit.”

Wooseok is already walking around the newly lit hall and the moment Feeldog leaves the room to check the back door, he can hear Seungwoo let out a long loud whistle.

He starts walking around too and he has to admit it’s pretty damn cool.  
There’s something happy about the works hanging on the walls, but not careless happiness. There’s something deep behind those graffitis and paintings and Seungyoun takes note of maybe dropping by another day cause he’s pretty sure he’d love this exhibition if he wasn’t dying to glance at Hangyul every five seconds or to ask the other two members if they too feel slightly off in the presence of this Feeldog guy.

His old roommate is staring at a painting next to him and for a second they’re alone. Wooseok is by Seungwoo’s side talking about one of the works across the hall, and he wants to casually start a conversation but the breath catches in his lungs. He keeps forgetting just how good looking Hangyul is and right now, with his head thrown slightly back, soft gaze over the painting, he can’t help but think he looks a little bit like a work of art himself.

“Really beautiful, right hyung?”

He needs to fight the sudden rush of blood rushing to his face as his head snaps a little too fast sending him a slight sting on the nerve at the back of his neck. When Hangyul turns to him, he squares his face in a relaxed pensive expression and hums in agreement.  
“I knew you’d like it hyung, it’s why I asked you to come.”

The sun seems to radiate from his smile, toothy and youthful like the one he makes for selfies and it’s such a breathtaking view that he’s actually glad he rarely ever has that expression in front of him because pretending not to love him would be a lot more difficult than it already is.

Hangyul turns to walk a little to the side, moving from one painting to the other, slowing down to read the descriptions and Seungyoun has completely given up on looking at the exhibition, too busy noticing the way the younger wriggles his fingers by his sides as if he wants to reach out and touch the canvases.

_Why is he so cute today?_

He feels eyes on him, like someone staring at him from across the room and it’s probably Seungwoo, forever keeping an eye on him and Hangyul. But then he catches the sound of footsteps and hears Wooseok and their leader talking somewhere next to him and his head snaps confused to see the two coming towards him, saying something about Feeldog explaining the whole concept of the gallery while Seungyoun was busy looking at the works.  
_Looking at Hangyul._

He turns his head slowly, dreading to look in the direction of the stare he feels on his skin. And suddenly he’s burning, partly in embarrassment, partly in shame, and just a tiny bit in fear. But Feeldog's eyes, still trained on him from across the hall, aren’t glaring or menacing. Just amused and a little curious; the moment their eyes meet the other steals a glance to Hangyul, cluelessly exploring, and back to Seungyoun.

He can feel his neck slowly turning red, but he gets distracted by a loud screech and the sound of plastic bags hitting the floor.

*

“BABYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!”

He’s confused, almost sure he must have heard it wrong and next to him Wooseok feels the same way, scoffing bemused:  
“Did that guy just call Hangyul ‘_baby’_.”

Seungyoun’s brain is very close to going caput, overwhelmed by different reactions.  
The first thing he thinks is that whoever this guy is, he must really trust Hangyul’s reflexes cause he’s practically flying across the room and into the younger’s arms.

Second is the fact that the guy is literally chanting to himself ‘my baby’ and that it makes Seungyoun wanna walk up to them and physically remove him from Hangyul.

The third is that Hangyul doesn’t seem to really mind, even as this new person pinches his cheeks.

Fourth is the group of four hyungs (including Feeldog who is still looking at him curiously) coming their way.

_Talk about an intimidating bunch_.

The need to look away from them comes naturally as much as the sudden urge to flee, so he trains his eyes on Seungwoo who is still looking at Hangyul and the overly excited guy with a serious expression.

It’s nice to know he’s not the only one really… _confused_ about what’s happening.  
He sees his leader and their main dancer share a fast look and Hangyul’s ears turn really red, really fast. Only then the younger boy pushes the guy away.

“Stop treating me like a baby, hyung. I’m twenty already!”  
“Nonsense, you’re always a baby.”

It doesn’t come from the black-haired with really sharp features (that is still annoyingly looking at Hangyul like you look at a puppy).  
It comes from a small guy, (_wow these people are really short, is it a generational thing?) _and Hangyul mutters a soft, totally not truly meant, whiney _“stop Euijin hyung”. _The other hyungs are ready to agree.

“Forever my scary-looking baby.”  
This comes from someone Seungyoun actually recognizes, Timoteo hyung (_can I call him hyung?_) which is supposedly a good thing except it makes him feel weird because seriously can these people stop calling his Hangyul their ‘baby’ (okay maybe Wooseok would smack him in the head for thinking _‘his Hangyul’_ but still the irritation stands).

He just wants someone to talk to them so he, Seungwoo and Wooseok can stop being the impromptu audience to this impromptu family comedy skit.

“First thing first, if someone can call him _that_ that’s me, he’s my baby and my baby only.” Seungyoun is left wondering how long is this going to last and how come when they were at Seungwoon hyung’s radio show Hangyul never mentioned being so close to two Hot Shot members to the point they’re now fighting over custody.

Next to him, his same-aged friend isn’t even masking his feelings, giving a tight-lipped and slightly irritated smile as Seungwoo is taking half a step towards Feeldog to maybe try and introduce themselves.

It still doesn’t stop Seungyoun from hearing that Euijin guy and Timoteo sniggering to themselves - _“To be fair I’m pretty sure only Woong can truly call him his baby.” - _He doesn’t have time to wonder what that is about.

Feeldog looks like he’s finally going to shut them up and let the x1 members introduce themselves.  
The small hyung is waving to Hangyul to take place next to his group members and Seungyoun feels a little bit irritated by the way the younger lets his fingers linger in the palm of this sharp-featured guy who still hasn’t introduced himself.

Seungwoo introduces them formally and though Seungyoun is not sure if these men are sunbaes, he’s pretty sure they’re older than him and it feels a little weird and embarrassing to say “fly high, x1!” in front of them.

It’s not really a problem because, even if he thinks it’s honestly a little bit rude, none of the five guys is even looking at them.  
They’re looking at Hangyul only, standing next to Seungwoo with a little blush but also a lot of pride in his eyes. Hot Shot’s Timoteo is the first to take a step forward so they can all greet one another and all, followed by Euijin and as he shakes their hands he notices the bear hug that Hangyul is trapped in, between Hojung and the other guy. It doesn’t take a master degree to understand those are the people he needs to impress.

The idea in itself makes him feel silly, but after all, he does have feelings for Hangyul and even if making a good impression still won’t win him a chance at the younger’s heart, he still wants to get along with them and show that Hangyul is happy and safe with X1.

_With him_.

Hojung is the second last to introduce himself. He is soft-spoken and nice and even thanks them for coming to meet them, saying he’s glad to meet Hangyul’s members.

Seungyoun doesn’t miss the challenging tone Wooseok has while saying that they wouldn’t have missed this opportunity for any reason. Because they are, after all, Hangyul’s hyungs.  
He kind of wants to puff out his chest at that, fully knowing it’s childish but still feeling the need to drag Hangyul back where he belongs tucked next to them. By his side.

He takes a quick glance to the side, half-expecting to see Seungwoo looking apologetic or glaring at Wooseok for talking like that to a bunch of hyungs and sunbaes they only ever met today.  
Unexpectedly, the only thing he finds is his leader with that shit-eating grin he does when he’s trying to hold back a sneer or feign politeness.

It’s both reassuring and really scary.  
Going back to look ahead, he realizes the only person he hasn’t greeted is the one who screeched and just that episode is enough to make Seungyoun dislike this man.  
Half of the irritation he feels makes space for sudden tense anxiety.

If Seungyoun’s fans are right, and he does look like a fox, he supposes he resembles a cartoon fox. Smiley and cute and mischievous.  
At least compared to this guy.  
This guy, with sharp eyes, sharp nose, and even sharp dangerous grin, looks like a real fox, the predator, the kind that catches birds by the neck and disembowels rabbits. And right now he’s reaching out to shake his hand, looking at Seungyoun like he’s looking at a prey.

“No need to pretend I don’t know who you guys are. I watched the whole show.” He laughs out loud and it sounds genuine, his loving eyes so soft on Hangyul and so different from the piercing gaze he had on Seungyoun just seconds ago.  
“Seungwoo. Wooseok. Seungyoun.” He says pausing each time to shake their hands, his grip far from gentle. “and even if I didn’t, I heard and read everything about you guys.”

Hangyul laughs, ears never changing from the shade of red since he met his old hyungs again and probably he doesn’t even notice what’s going on here, yet a fast glance to his side and he can see that Seungwoo and Wooseok both understand the underlying message.  
_He studied us._

_*_

The older guys decide to make their way to Feeldog’s apartment splitting into two groups. Seungyoun’s car, though as always it’s Hangyul who’s driving, is currently occupied by the two former roommates, that Jeup guy, Feeldog and Timoteo, while Seungwoo and Wooseok are riding with Euijin and Hojung.

The ride is spent loudly, no thanks to Seungyoun.  
He’s too busy watching how Jeup has taken the shotgun seat naturally and is casually playing around with the radio. Beside him, Timoteo and Feeldog never stop teasing Hangyul, for god knows what, and the younger, who usually bickers and teases back just smiles like he’s being praised and not made fun of, sometimes pouting in the rearview mirror or whining about them being mean.

It’s a nice scene, familiar almost, with no ounce of awkwardness and when Jeup joins in the fun, patting Hangyul’s thigh every once in a while, Seungyoun feels awfully left out.  
When his eyes meet Hangyul’s and the main dancer gives him a tentative smile, eyes lit up in joy, Seungyoun can’t help but smile too, until he senses Feeldog looking at him.

It’s enough to bring him back to his feet.  
When he turns to look ahead on the road his eyes cross paths with Jeup fixing his unreadable face on him once more.

*

“Okay, you guys can just leave the bags on the countertop. Euijin hyung, Hojung and I will take care of it. Jeup, Timoteo can you check the fridge for drinks? I forgot to tell you to buy some and I’m not sure I got enough stuff for nine.”

The instructions come naturally for the house owner and everyone seems to be completely in their element, aside from of course him, Seungwoo and Wooseok, still standing a little awkwardly at the entrance.  
Euijin, smiles at them before following Feeldog to the kitchen. Looking over his shoulder he adds: “Don’t be shy, you guys. Make yourself at home. Maknae, do me a favour and help your _friends_ get comfortable.”

“_Hyungs_.”

Seungyoun literally bites his cheek, hurting himself, only to realize it didn’t come from his mouth. He notices Wooseok looking just a tiny bit shocked too.  
“We’re his _hyungs_.” Repeats Seungwoo.  
The older of the nine guys still for a second, raising his eyebrow before giving them a small nod.

“Hangyullie.”

The boy addressed, oblivious as always, wear a dumb smile on his face clearly not having paid any attention at the little exchange and typing on his phone as he kicks off his shoes.  
Euijin laughs at him, even though the younger isn’t doing anything particularly funny.  
“Hangyullie, since you’re the maknae and the reason we’re here you gotta help your _hyungs _get comfortable, okay?”

Seungyoun can’t help but think that the term sounds just a little mocking, but Hangyul is smiling and telling them something about coming to the apartment only twice before and the older has to force the negativity down in the pit of his stomach yet another time. He shouldn’t let these people under his skin and just try to enjoy this day to make Hangyul happy.

As expected the place is nothing much, in terms of size.  
But the apartment is still pretty cool.  
Most people he knows are either rich enough to buy penthouse apartments fully furnished, idols living in dorms, or normal people in their twenties, to lazy and ‘poor’ to bother wasting time in decorating their flats.

Feeldog’s, on the other hand, is somewhere in between.  
If his gallery isn’t enough of a proof, the apartment can fully convey the creativity that seems to shine through the older man’s entire being.

The house is the usual kind of place an economically stable, single guy reaching his thirties always occupies. But unlike many of his acquaintances, it’s well decorated, with perfectly matched furniture and Seungyoun isn’t an interior design genius but even he can see that whatever logic is behind the placement of things it helps to make the rooms look even bigger.

As they wait for Hangyul to come out of the bathroom, the all-rounder doesn’t have to even glance at Seungwoo to sense his distress.

“I’ll say it since no one has the guts to,” Wooseok whispers, hoping the door and walls are thick enough to cover his voice. “I don’t particularly like these people, they seem to feel the same way and I just want to get Hangyul out of the bathroom, into the car and back home.”

There’s a heavy sigh and his same-aged friend purposely bumps his bony shoulders with their leader, somewhat comforting. “Come on, you’re thinking the same thing.”  
“That’s the point. I don’t.”Seungyoun raises an eyebrow, recalling the underlying annoyance in his voice just minutes ago.

“I mean, I don’t like them much, that’s true. But I wanna give them the benefit of the doubt.” He explains turning to the smaller guy. “You were there too, they weren’t so bad in the car. So maybe they’re just trying to test us?”

“Why would they wanna test us for?”  
Wooseok slaps his friend’s bicep, glaring at his sudden spike in volume.

“Same reason we’re all very sensitive today. We’re close to Hangyul and they don’t know us, they’re close to Hangyul and we don’t know them.”  
Seungyoun wants to add something, probably something about how there’s nothing to test, nothing to prove because this is them and Hangyul they’re talking about. Him with Hangyul. And no matter how awkward things sometimes feel, it’s insulting to think these _people _think they have any right to judge them.

But he doesn’t get the chance because Hangyul is whistling out of the bathroom and leading them to the kitchen.

“As soon as Raehwan gets discharged we’re going out to eat, like all of us.”

There’s a lot of movement for an enclosed space and Hangyul waves at them to sit down and go to wash his hands at the counter.

“Hyung, all of us is too vague and I doubt we can go to dinner at 62.” He’s taking place by Timoteo, chuckling to himself and grabbing a knife.

“Well just you know, the ones we’re keeping in touch with of course.”

They start listing names, some more familiar than others.

_“Marco.”  
“Kijung."  
_ _“Donghyun hyung.”  
“Raehwan, of course.”  
“Seyong too.”   
"I haven’t seen Woo hyung in a while.”  
“Rockhyun hyung.” “Hansol.”_

Between staring at the way Hangyul is completely and utterly at ease with them, the way he cranes his neck to look at Euijin to answer and Seungwoo’s bouncing knee on his left he barely takes in the fact that the other six men are clearly cooking.

“Well, Suwoong too then.” Euijin and Feeldog seem to find the statement funny while Hojung hits violently his group member’s arm.

“Hey, careful I have a knife in my hand!”  
“Stop making people uncomfortable then.”

Seungyoun doesn’t miss the way Hojung’s eyes take a quick peek at him from the other side of the room.

“If we add Suwoong hyung, Chan hyung, both Jun hyungs, Daewon hyung, Jungha hyung, Dongmyeong and Sungjun hyung that’s already over twenty people.”

They all look at Hangyul trying to do the math and for him it’s normal, but he does wonder why people look at the youngest as if he said something strange.

“See Hangyul is perfectly cool with wanting to invite Suwoong.”

“You know I can hear you guys, right? And of course, I’m cool, it’s been two years. It’s an old story.”

There’s a strange inflexion in his voice and Seungyoun shares a look with Wooseok, asking himself what kind of argument Hangyul must have had with this guy they mentioned to make his name a (not anymore) taboo.

His same-aged friend seems to think the same.

“So who’s this Suwoong guy?” He asks quietly, searching for clarification directly from their main dancer.

The question is left unanswered as Jeup walks up to Hangyul and swats him away, taking his knife from him.“What do you think you’re doing, young man?”

Whatever answer he’s thinking of dies on his lips as the older guy cuts him off.

“Take an example from our guests, just sit. There’s no need to help.”

The small intake of breath coming from his leader is enough of a signal for Seungyoun to know that he didn’t imagine the bitter tone in the word ‘guests’.

Seungyoun is starting to feel a little wounded by the way Hangyul, they are admittedly more often than not clueless Hangyul (but still very much _theirs_) seems to not notice the palpable tension.

“What Jeup means, is that we got this Hangyul. We all like cooking as much as we like spoiling you, so just sit.” Feeldog’s kind and smiley face is enough for Hangyul to totally look over how Jeup sounds like he completely despises them.

“Of course, plus you’re probably tired and stressed as it is, we all know how tiring schedules and dorm life can be.” Hojung’s words come with an understanding smile and it’s not only meant for Hangyul, he actually takes his time to look at them all.

“You’re right, I mean between dancing, singing, filming. At least _with us_, Hangyullie shouldn’t be worrying about chores.” Jeup is smiling at them too but next to the Hot Shot member, it feels a lot less welcoming.

Hangyul just scoffs, easily taking a seat between the two 96 liners. “What are you even going on about, hyung?”

“I know you, stupid. You probably run around the house cooking, cleaning after people and doing the laundry.” The black-haired fox frowns as he cuts the vegetables. “And even if I didn’t know you, I wasn’t lying when I told you I was going to keep track of all your interviews.”

“Our baby boy grew up into a beautiful Cinderella?” There’s a small huff of complaint, more fromEuijin ruffling Hangyul’s hair than due to the playful jibe.

“Hangyurella sounds nice.” Teases Feeldog further.

“Sure, but Hangyul didn’t make it in X1 to be other people’s maid.”

This time even their main dancer freezes. It’s not vailed provocations anymore and the fact that Jeup keeps on cooking not looking at all bothered or apologetic is nothing but an addition to the stab he feels in his heart. To make things worse Hangyul’s whisper is too small for Seungyoun to feel some ease. “_It’s cool, hyung. Yohan and Seungwoo hyung help a lot and I’m teaching Minhee and Eunsang how to run the laundry.”_

Wooseok is staring at the youngest of the bunch, red in the face and it’s enough for the all-rounder to work out he probably feels called out as much as him. Seungwoo, on the other hand, is plainly glaring at Jeup.

It’s like the words are met by deaf ears as no one even takes them in.

“Hangyul,” It’s Feeldog taking the lead again and no wonder Hangyul has been looking at this guy as if he was his dad, the authoritative voice calm and collected. “why don’t you take Timoteo and Jeup with you and go buy some drinks?” It’s supposedly a question, but it doesn’t leave space for objections.

None of the x1 members misses the heated glare the small dancer throws to his friend.

*

After they’re gone the whole apartment falls into a heavy silence until Seungwoo rolls up his sleeves and goes to wash his hands.

“You don’t have to do this, Seungwoo-ssi. You’re guests and Jeup… well please don’t take in consideration what he said.” Euijin gives them a small, uncomfortable smile.

Taking the knife the other vocalist left on the counter, their leader starts cutting up vegetables a little more violently.

“I’m not doing it for him. I’m doing it because I need to focus on something before I lose my patience.”

Seungyoun knows his hyung is capable of getting really angry (and really scary), it happened a handful of times and it’s not surprising that his composed demeanour is slightly slipping.

After a few moments, he feels himself speak up too. “If you didn’t want us here, I don’t know why you even bothered inviting us.”

There’s a heavy sigh, as Hojung turns to fill a pot with water and Feeldog leans on the counter to look at him.

“I know it’s not enough to say sorry and it’s probably not believable, but we do want you here. We were looking forward to meeting you.”

Ever in sync, he and Wooseok raise an eyebrow as to say ‘_yeah sure’. _With the way they’ve been antagonised from the very start, it doesn’t really seem like it.

_“_Truly, Hangyul told us lots about you and he seems to be fond of all of his new members and I really don’t get what’s with Jeup today. He kept on insisting on meeting you, right after Produce X 101 ended, saying he knew you’d get along. He’s usually a fun, nice guy.” Seungyoun can’t help but scoff at Euijin’s words, especially as he points to him towards the end.

“I do, I know.” Hojung rubs his bare face tiredly, scratching his nape.

“I’m sorry for both of them really.”

The soft-spoken hyung walks up to them, taking a chair and sitting across Wooseok.

“Timo can be really intense when he wants and Jeup hyung… I’ll talk to him when they get back. He can be very protective and I know it’s no excuse to be so rude, but…”

The older boy’s face is filled with actual, genuine worry.

“Is Hangyul alright? Did something happen in your group?”

_“What is that even supposed to mean?” _  
“What are you implying?”  
“Excuse me?”

The three sentences leave their mouths in unison, all three of them not believing their ears.

Hojung raises his hands in surrender.

“Look I'm not trying to blame you guys. I see the way you look at him and it’s obvious you care. It’s just Hangyul has been writing a lot on the group chat these past two months and be honest,” he says looking at his two hyungs behind him “we all thought something was going on with him.”

Euijin nods in agreement, eyes fixed on the floor tiles, deep in thought. The other man on the just shrugs.“I told you, maybe he’s just got some worries overwork.”  
But the eldest is fast to answer back. “Come on, Sukie. When was the last time Hangyul didn’t clearly tell you about his worries? He never keeps those things from us.”

“Exactly! And plus…” Hojung steals a glance in his direction, too fast to be noticed by anyone but Seungyoun. “Kijung called Jeup hyung the other day so he took the opportunity to ask him. He told me Kijung said Hangyul called crying some time ago, wouldn’t say why… Just to keep an eye on him and make sure he was okay, now.”

Seungyoun can feel his face morph in confusion and worry. Two moths…  
He can understand Hangyul being weird, he knew it himself. He remembers how tense and uncomfortable he had been, but Hangyul never cried with them, never showed signs of weakness and always kept his worries to himself…  
Just how many things was he not trusting them with?

“I was going to let it go since Hangyul seemed happy and normal lately. Hyung is harder to please and as long as Gyullie doesn’t tell him what’s wrong I’m afraid he’ll just pin the blame on you for not taking care of him when you literally live together.”

“I wish I could be angry at you, but if you put it like that it’s hard not to see his point.”

Seungyoun smiles at how understanding Seungwoo is all the time, but his eyes are still shining with gloom at the idea of the boy he loves in such an upset state.

“You really care for him, don’t you?” Wooseok’s face is still uneasy, but he smiles at the way the three older guys nod promptly.

“We call him _our baby_ for a reason.” The visual’s smile is a little tight and Feeldog seems to catch it, chuckling.

“Well, the group is fine and nothing happened in the past months, but we’ll let you know if we work out what upset Hangyul.” The two leaders nod at each other in understanding as Euijin lets out an apologetic _‘thank you’._

“There’s no need to thank us. We really care for him too.”

They keep on working on the food as things slowly become more comfortable and they finally find something else to talk bout besides Hangyul. That’s when the doorbell rings.

“I’ll intercept Jeup and tell him to stop being an ass, don’t worry.”

Seungyoun can’t bring himself to smile at Feeldog as Hangyul enters the room. This day is proving to be such a rollercoaster of emotions he just wants to walk up to the younger and hold him until one of them falls asleep, like old times.

He stays sitting on his stool as Seungwoo and Wooseok walk up to the youngest present and take a box of soft drinks from his hands. He can see him mouth a shy _‘sorry for earlier’ _that their leader dismisses kindly and Wooseok throws his arms around the boy’s shoulders slowly leading him to take the plates they are supposed to set on the table.

He can spy Feeldog and Euijin talking to Jeup and with their backs on him, he supposes Hojung is doing the same with Timoteo.

He gets up slowly, ready to walk to Seungwoo and maybe try to be productive and helpful when he feels a firm grip on his shoulder.

“I’m sorry, about the way I acted.” He hears the voice before he can even take in who’s talking and he begrudgingly admits that without all the poison he has a really sweet tone. “It was over the line and I should have given you the benefit of the doubt. But the hyungs say whatever it is that Hangyul isn’t telling us it’s not your fault.”

There’s still uncertainty in his wording, but Seungyoun can see the way he’s trying and suddenly, although he was ready to punch him less than an hour ago, he nods understanding.

“Yeah, it was over the line.” He says it before he can stop himself, but it simply feels like the right moment to say it so he does. “And it’s no excuse, but I guess I understand. I would have been like that, too. I would have been worse.”

Jeup’s eyes widen in surprise and Seungyoun feels a little smirk creeping on his lips. “If I had the mere belief that someone was hurting Hangyul… I would have been much worse.”

“Huh..” It sounds both like a scoff and a puzzled acknowledgement “Somehow I doubt you care for him as much as we do. You’ve known him what? Ten months? Against 2 years and a half, it’s nothing.”

The little smirk Jeup is sporting only makes him mirror it with more unfounded smugness.

“Technically it was a year last week. And time is not a valid measurement, only how much we care and love him. And we do, deeply and genuinely ”

The little eyebrow rise makes his little grin falter for a second, afraid he might have said too much.

“Good, because if I ever find out that Seungwoo-ssi is lying or is wrong and _you _are behind Hangyul’s strange behaviour… You’re_ dead.”_

Seungyoun doesn’t let his gaze drop, wilful to keep his eyes trained on this older guy challenging him. Testing him. But he still has to straighten up his back to prevent shivering at the way he’s pretty positive the uttered ‘you’ was meant as a singular pronoun.

The older’s hand finds Seungyoun’s shoulder and lead him to where everyone else is gathering to eat and the all-rounder can’t help but think that maybe Euijin was right because the way Jeup’s eyes suddenly become softer, livelier and more mischievous have him thinking that he can easily see the two of them being friends if they ever get over their competition over Hangyul.

*

The lunch itself is nice. Feeldog’s place is warm and even as the spring rain starts once again, they barely notice. Seungyoun is a little stiff at first, sitting alone between Hojung and Euijin, and tries to ignore the fact that Hangyul chose to sit on the other side of the table next to Seungwoo and Jeup.

He learns a lot. Like the fact that Hangyul, all those times he’d take an hour between getting out of the shower and getting back to their room, was video chatting with either Kijung or Lee Woo or A.C.E.’s Chan.

They mention the way their mothers know each other and the fact that apparently Timoteo’s mom told him to congratulate Hangyul for being in X1, that Sungwoon wouldn’t shut up about Hyeongjun for a week after they went to his radio program and that apparently Hojung had a past in bodybuilding or something because they keep teasing Hangyul for being half-naked all the time and saying he got it from his ‘dad’. He also kinda chokes on rice before realising that when Feeldog says Hansol wants an autograph for his sister, he’s not talking about Vernon and Sophia.  
They talk about Producex101 and The Unit and it’s a little embarrassing all these people saw him being so silly.

He knows it’s stupid, because people see him being silly all the time, but Hangyul keeps praising Wooseok and Seungwoo with his eyes set on his hyungs like he expects them to be proud of him and have their approval. He can’t help but wonder if he’s done worth mentioning beside becoming a meme for his clown make up.

“I’m just glad people saw your talent. You really deserve this.” He smiles widely, completely agreeing with Timoteo.

“And also I’m glad for Seungyoun and Dohyon.” Adds the main dancer next to him turning with a fatherly smile to him.

“I remember Hangyul saying you were his first friend beside Dohyon, there.”

Their eyes meet from across the table and he’s invaded with both familiarity and uncertainty as he speaks.

“We clicked right away. And maybe it’s bad to say this but I was hoping we’d debut together since Love Shot.” _He always felt like home, since day one. _“He’s a real good friend.” _Just a friend._

He’s aware of the way everyone, from Feeldog to Wooseok, are staring at them and the way they’re looking at each other, he doesn’t care. If he looks in those eyes intensely enough he can almost pretend the warmth in them mirrors the love he’s feeling right now.

“Yeah, Hangyul looks like murder when you first meet him, but he’s honestly one of the nicest, kindest, silliest people I’ve ever met.”

The addressed dancer puffs his cheeks cutely as Jeup caress his hair and Timoteo reaches forward to pinch him. When Seungyoun chuckles he’s not sure if it’s to cover the slight stinging realisation that the younger is never like that with them or because in the far left of his view, he can spy Wooseok frowning at the scene.

“If you ever have trouble making him listen, just hit me up and I’ll have Seyong hyung know. Though Hangyul is a really good dongsaeng so I doubt it’ll happen.”

Hangyul’s eyes widen in comedic alarm and he laughs purely, leaning down on Seungwoo as he bows his head in embarrassment.

They both seem a little not used to it, but the way Seungwoo throws Feeldog a smug smile he doubts their leader has anything against being the target of Hangyul’s skinship for the first time today.

“He’s even a better hyung.” The 99liner turns happily to Wooseok at that and Seungyoun is pretty sure all four of them fell really proud of that statement because Hangyul really is a good older brother.

“Takes care of the kids, makes sure they eat and go to sleep. Back in Produce he always played with them, even if he was tired. Made sure they had someone to talk to or to cheer them up. And now he really favours our maknae line, even carries one of our members to his bed if he falls asleep where he shouldn’t.”  
Seungyoun revels at the sight of surprised mixed with satisfaction that fills the others’ eyes, finally knowing traits of the younger that they didn’t.

“Even Wooseok hyung thinks of me as a hyung, right Wooseokie?”

“Don’t push your luck, punk. I’ll let you go today because it’s special.”

They all laugh and when it dies down he notices how Hangyul and Hojung are staring all smiley at each other.

“Wow, a good hyung, huh?” There’s a deep sigh next to him. “Never fail to make me proud of you, right? We raised you well.”

“Hyuuuung. You know I learned from the best hyungs ever.” _Okay, maybe that hurts a little bit._ “And stop acting like my 70 years old dad, you’re like two months older then Seungwoo hyung. You’re like 50-ish.”

Pretty much everyone at the table calls him out, with a loud ‘_Yah!’_ And Seungwoo is laughing so Seungyoun is just gonna pretend he didn’t notice the older guy roll his eyes at Hojung treating their main dancer like a child.

*

Afternoon rolls in and the kids back home start writing on the group chat to fetch some food before going home. It’s the signal that maybe it’s time to get moving which Seungyoun realises he’s more than glad to do. Although they cleared thing before lunch and he does find Hangyul’s hyungs amusing, his heart is still doing a little tip tap dance to understand whether he likes them or is put off by how much they seem to be close and know the younger.

With the way the other two members spent the past hours swinging between genuine joy and just as genuine annoyance, he can confidently say Wooseok and Seungwoo feel the same.

They part ways promising to make plans to see each other again and Seungyoun has to elbow Wooseok for whispering ‘_yeah sure_’ a little too loudly. (He’s not wrong but he doesn’t want to laugh in their face yet.)

The all-rounder catches Jeup’s stern voice before walking away.

“Hangyul don’t forget to get your foot checked.” The only response he gets is a low chuckle.

“I’m serious Hangyul! If your guys continue to not force him down on a car and take him to the hospital we will.” And suddenly the young man is back to fox eyes ready to hunt them down. “I’ve been telling the idiot to go to the hospital since 2017 and he keeps playing though. As if he didn’t cry on our shoulders whenever the pain was too much…” Seungyoun doesn’t have to work with imagination, the fear and worry he felt that time Hangyul collapsed on stage still fresh in his mind. “We’ve been trying to-“

“You haven’t tried hard enough then.” Jeup visibly bites the inside of his cheek, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath. “Sorry, it came naturally. Just- please take care of him.”

Seungyoun has to bite back the impulse to look irritated, _did they think of them as careless idiots? Where they really so convinced they weren’t taking care of Hangyul?_

“Stop giving them a hard time hyung, I said I’ll go.”

“I’m not sure I trust you.”

“Come one, don’t be like that hyung.”

Wooseok and Seungwoo already started to walk away, after paying their goodbyes, but Seungyoun stays back waiting for Hangyul, watching him being all pouty like he never is with him.

He'd always thought they’re little banters were cute. The way he always played the tsundere part, with him, with Wooseok. He thought cuteness was reserved only for his same-aged friend and Hyeongjun, but now his ears itched every time Hangyul said the word ‘hyung’.

Seungyoun takes a few steps back. He’s still close enough to hear what they say, but he hopes Hangyul takes the hint that they really ought to go now.

“Well, I’ll go now. But I’ll call you when I get home.”

“Go, go. I think your members will really end up hating us if we keep you any longer.”

“Nah, they’ll get over it. If they don’t I’ll invite them at the next karaoke date and you and Rockhyun hyung can serenade them into submission. No one can resist _my awesome main vocal hyungs_.”

He has to physically turn away from that scene, hoping it will erase what he just heard.  
_Fuck, that hurt. At least Seungwoo hyung already left._

*

He lets out a heavy groan as they walk to the car, the tiredness dawning on him.

He hopes Hangyul doesn’t plan anything like that for a while, that took a toll on his mental health. He’s seriously not sure if he was more nervous, proud, irritated, happy, jealous, called out, betrayed.

The ride home is peaceful and quiet.  
Wooseok looks just as tired as Seungyoun feels.

Seungwoo is kind enough to ask things about the guys they spent the day with, making comments about their personalities. If the all-rounder hadn’t been present, he’d think Seungwoo didn’t glare at those guys whenever someone seemed to question their affection for the 99liner.

“I know they gave you a hard time, but lunch was good right?” Says after a while, stopping their leader mid-speech. “They’re just overprotective because I’ve been keeping to myself lately… and it’s not like me, cuz, well, I-“  
“Tell them everything, I think your _hyungs _stressed that enough today.”  
Seungyoun is almost glad Wooseok speaks up before him, glad he’s not the only one obviously jealous.

The main dancer just chuckles, unaware of how true and genuine the bitterness in the cat-like hyung’s voice is.

“I’m sure they’re great Hangyul.” Says Seungwoo elbowing Wooseok. “Just maybe next time let us down easy, like one at a time or at least even out the numbers.”

Seungyoun can’t help thinking about the threat of a karaoke date.

They get back home quietly after that, only stopped by a phone call by Yohan asking what he was to order for them. The rapper lets the other talk, secretly touched by the way Hangyul easily gives his other for him with a smile on his face. But he’s still looking at the afternoon fading into the evening and thinking about how Hangyul never puffed his cheeks for him.

As they step out of the elevator, he feels a small pressure on his wrist.

Hangyul keeps him a few feet away from the others and pulls him closer.

“I told the others already, but you seemed distracted.” To be honest he’s distracted even right now. “But even if the hyungs were a little over the top today, they asked me to tell you that they like you. And that they’re happy for me for having you as hyungs.” Seungyoun smiles at that, somewhat feeling a little relieved.

He nods once before moving inside the apartment. It’s impressive how Hangyul can do magic tricks on his mood, both negatively and positively. When he turns around to lock the door of his room he can see Hangyul making his way upstairs. He really does look good in that orange sweater. When the younger turns suddenly to look in his direction, Seungyoun is too busy staring to turn away to not get caught.

If Hangyul is startled in finding him already looking at him, he doesn’t show. He smiles softly, looking around. Everyone else is either in the living room or in their rooms.

“For all that’s worth, I’m happy too, for having you as hyung.”

It’s not a love confession, far from it. But after everything that happened and with the way Hangyul is looking at him, it almost feels like it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEY GUYSSSSS. this is the third time i try to post the chapter...  
but my laptop in uncooperative.  
I'm falling asleep as i type, but i really wanted to post so here it is.  
I'll edit the chapter tomorrow to check for mistakes and to rewrite the authors' notes section cus I wanted to tell you some things.  
anyways THERE'S A SEUNGYUL FICFEST so if you guys are interested go on @midnight_9699 on twitter cuz claiming is gonna end soon end there's so many good prompts!!!  
for the other things i'll just add them to the notes tomorrow,  
hope you enjoy and good night!!!<3  
\-- this chapter hasn't been checked yet, so sorry if there are any typos, i'll try to fix them tomorrow
> 
> A/N: so yeah i hope you liked the chapter! kudos and comments are always a pleasure and if you have any question or just wanna be friends you can hit me up on twitter @sun_shinejade  
As some might know i dropped a poll last week for the ending of this fic (more or less 3-4 chapters) but i will not disclose what it is until the very end. This story will be on temporary hiatus because i'm working on a few prompts for the midnightstories ficfest and i really hope to see some of you participating as well!!!  
That said have a wonderful week and weekend!


	6. Your Nothing At All - Jun & Wooseok

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seungyoun would rather be Wooseok. With his obnoxious relationship and stupid jealousy.  
Seungyoun would rather be Jun. With his brotherly aura and uncomplicated friendship.
> 
> Seungyoun would rather not be Seungyoun. With his unrequited feelings he simply can't seem to keep to himself.

_I'd rather be your friend_   
_Than your nothin' at all_   
_That's why I can't tell you_   
_How I really feel_   
_I don't wanna risk it all_   
_My thoughts_   
_Will remain thoughts_

* * *

“I should have known something was up when he asked to come over.” 

Seungyoun glances offhandedly to his friend who’s currently squinting, leaning on the counter of the kitchen.

“Jun is not the type to just ask or invite himself in other people’s places.” continues Wooseok as the older man wonders if his friend is frowning because he’s half-blind or because the sight upsets him. 

Probably the first, because after so long Seungyoun has learned that almost nothing phases his same-aged friend.

He looks back at his phone and groans as the device warns him its battery is very low. 

“Can we go to your room now?” he asks, keeping his voice flat, “there's a comfy bed and a charger next to it and we don't have to keep standing here doing nothing.” he offers when Wooseok doesn’t budge.

The smaller man looks at him straight in the face as to find the answer and after a second in which Seungyoun realizes the 23-year-old wasn’t really listening, he shakes his head.

“Nah, my phone is charging on my bed and I need to stay away from it for a while.” He sighs, munching on one of the rice cakes their guest brought. “Also I want to see how long it takes the idiot to realize I’m not with them anymore.”

Seungyoun’s phone shines bright white before shutting off and he sighs shoving it into his back pocket. Only then he gives himself a moment to look at what Wooseok has been staring at for a few minutes now.

"So…" says with a fake casual voice Wooseok "are you not gonna ask me why I'm avoiding my own phone?"

Seungyoun's eyes linger on the way Hangyul's eyes shine brightly when the hyung on his side dies during their game.

He tears his eyes away from the scene slowly to indulge his friend's question.

Wooseok rants about Jinhyuk, which lately has happened more often than not and Seungyoun has to summon all his strength to remind himself that he has to be a good friend and not roll his eyes.

Unconsciously he finds himself looking towards the living room once more, face still devoid of any hint of what's going on in his head.

Hangyul looked so bright these days, so happy and content and giddy and it made things strange and difficult for Seungyoun.

Spring had come and was passing by so fast with their few months of ‘break’ lasting what felt like a month. Though it was never really a break because they all had things to do. Seungyoun had spent most of his time composing, hitting his forehead on the small desk he put in his lone room or just driving off to the MOLA studio to spend time on his own.

Some songs came out nicely and smoothly in just a few hours, some began and were never finished, forgotten on the pile of papers between his stuff and things Kino was planning for ‘Kingdom’. 

Most of the songs were about love.

Some were happy and sweet when Hangyul would wake up in the morning with a grin on his face and would greet him happily and tease the kids with him. 

Some others were a bit less positive when Hangyul would leave the house before Seungyoun was even awake and come home late at night and not only did Seungyoun have to eat processed, delivery food instead of Hangyul’s cooking but also the younger would come home, not look at anyone in the eye and just whisper hushed chuckles in his phone as if there were secrets he was keeping from the members.

Seungyoun is perfectly aware he’s overreacting, after all, Hangyul is never secretive, not after a year together but still, it sometimes feels as if he’s slipping away from him and as much as the rapper hates to be possessive there is something, especially after the past march, that has him frowning and feeling positively useless at the knowledge that there are people, people Seungyoun isn’t close to, that know and understand Hangyul better than him. 

And most importantly, people Hangyul trusts much more than him. 

It feels as if he can never really get a breather, he thinks. 

Now that Seungwoo is finally giving him a bit of space, not constantly watching over him like a hawk, he wonders if maybe things will get better with Hangyul. 

He wants them to be friends. Not like they aren’t, it just feels so different now.

Hangyul does seem more at ease with him. The memories from a few months back are starting to get blurry. The image of a sleep-deprived, tense, awkward Hangyul gets replaced every day more by a new side of Hangyul, bright energetic and carefree.

Hangyul even started looking for him, asking him to go grocery shopping with him, asking him to drop him off at SWING when he drove to the MOLA Studio, knocking on his door to ask him what he wanted for dinner.

It’s not much but it’s an improvement from the times Hangyul used to avoid him.

Maybe it’s the distance, Seungyoun thinks. 

Maybe now that a few months have gone and Seungyoun hasn’t been so… forward with his affections, Hangyul feels more comfortable being with Seungyoun.

It’s a nice thought at first and it makes Seungyoun glow because now he doesn’t have to be so constantly depressed over the idea of the man he’s (unfortunately, still) in love with is avoiding him like the plague. But at the same time, it makes him frown.

_ Does it mean Hangyul thinks he’s over it now? _

_ Does he think he’s safe from the possibility of their relationship shifting, as he had said to Seungwoo half a year ago? _

_ Is that the only way for us to be friends? _

_ Would he go back to avoiding me if he knew I still feel like that? That to me our relationship will always keep shifting because every day I still wake up loving him a bit more? _

All those questions haunt him and he has to pretend to be fine, to not wonder if maybe what he’s seeing play out in the living room is what Hangyul expects from him.

That and only that.

Lee Junyoung, commonly known as Jun, is casually chilling on their living room floor, legs crossed, eyes shining and mouth jokingly cursing the living daylights out of Hangyul. And aside from the fact that he’s extremely kind, humble and easy on the eye, right now Seungyoun envies the way he looks at Hangyul and the way the younger looks back at him.

Brotherly is the only way he can describe it. 

Jun looks at Hangyul the way Seungyoun looks at Eunsang or the way Nathan sometimes looks at Vernon. Lovingly yes, but a kind of love that sounds like stupid jokes and casual talk, a kind of ease he wanted, craved so bad from the 99line dancer.

A kind of familiarity he had when they first met and he lost the moment he fell in love. 

A kind of familiarity he both loves and hates because yes, it means things will never be hard and awkward and ambiguous between them but it also means having to actually move on.

And he loves Hangyul a little too much to truly move on.

There’s a burst of booming laughter and the sound of scoff and Jun exclaiming Hangyul has no respect for his elders and Seungyoun angles himself towards Wooseok because a small part of his brain actually manages to predict that the two are getting up and moving over to the kitchen.

Hangyul’s moves swiftly around the two 96liner, unaware of the way Woosoek keeps throwing daggers his way and Jun just stands there, a little awkward, clearly a guest in their dorm, but still very gracefully and charmingly.

“Hey grumpy head,” says softly Jun, nudging Wooseok on the shoulder, “how about we head off to a cafè and talk. You seem to need that.” he continues with a small smirk, just a tiny bit teasingly yet with careful, comforting eyes.

“Of course, if you’re done glaring at Hangyu, otherwise we can stay here. I was having fun playing video games with that overgrown kid.” 

Wooseok shifts his burning eyes on his friend and raises an eyebrow not masking the judgment on his features.

“If that’s your definition of fun, then I have to revalue our friendship. Hangyul beat you every single time and Hangyul fucking sucks.” He grumbles.

Jun merely laughs, throwing back his head in amusement. “Cafè it is then!”

Seungyoun almost forgets he’s actually there with them, too busy smiling at the interaction.

Wooseok never really talks about his friends beside UP10TION members and to see him now makes the all-rounder strangely proud.

So when Hangyul appears by his side, throwing an arm over his shoulders and mumbles something with his mouth full of biscuits, he jumps a little and yelps and hopes Jun doesn’t notice the way his ears are probably red now and that Hangyul can’t hear to the way his heart is beating now.

Wooseok seems to notice, because Wooseok is steadily climbing up the ranks in his ‘_ closest friends list’ _ , and gives him a bitter smile that can mean a lot of things in _ Wooseokian _ or whatever language the two of them speak with their eyes.

Jun picks up a paper tissue from a box on the counter, crumples it up and throws it on Hangyul’s face with perfect precision.

“Don’t talk with your mouth stuffed like that, you pig,” He says and sure Seungyoun is no expert, but it does sound a lot how people describe brother-brother bantering.

Hangyul steps away, taking the ball of tissue and throwing it in the bin, before repeating.

“I said, which cafè are we going to?”

Wooseok starts shaking his head and hands.

“Nope, no, no. You’re not coming with us.” He says resolutely.

“What, why not?”

Seungyoun is still a little taken aback, he will always be a little taken aback, with the sudden cuteness that sometimes fills Hangyul’s husky voice. Like his brain has forgotten that the younger has the tone of voice of a cave. 

He watches as Hangyul throws a pouty look in Jun’s direction and the older man raises his arms up and literally mutters _ ‘don’t ask me _’ before moving over to the couch, leaving the three X1 members by themselves.

Hangyul’s pout turns into an actual frown asking a second time why he’s not invited to the cafè date.

“Because Jun is here for _ me _ in case you forgot and I need to talk to him in private,” says Wooseok, resembling a whiny 8 years old girl rather than his 23 years old self.

“Then I suppose Seungyoun hyung isn’t coming since you want to talk to him in private.” Hangyul probes challengingly.

“Seungyoun can come if he has nothing to do.” shrugs the other while the mentioned man is left to sigh and watch from the sidelines because for two people who obviously care for each other fiercely, Wooseok and Hangyul never really stop bickering whenever the time allows it.

“But I have nothing to do as well!” exclaims the younger in aggravation,

“Yeah, you do!” 

“Really?!” Hangyul asks with a roll of his eyes. “I didn’t know you were my _ manager _, hyung. What is it that I have to do today?” He continues mockingly.

Wooseok seems so annoyed that if Seungyoun wasn’t used to them being like this one second and laughing together the moment after, he’d actually be worried.

Before his same-aged friend can reply, the sound of a slamming door comes from the upper floor and shortly after a half asleep Seungwoo comes rushing down the stairs.

“Hangyul, why didn’t you wake me up?!” He shouts angrily. 

Their leader sighs, entering the kitchen, his eyes softening immediately in front of his members, but his forehead still wrinkled in apprehension.

_ “Dear God, _ Gyul. You’re lucky Dohyon has dolphin laughter, otherwise, I would have never woken up from my nap and we would have gotten late for the check up.” 

Hangyul looks confused and lost and Seungwoo shakes his head at the same time as Wooseok lets out a smug and winning “_ Ha _!” pointing his finger in Hangyul’s direction.

Seungyoun places a careful hand on Hangyul’s shoulder, tentatively because now touching Hangyul is a luxury he’s scared of having, afraid it might somehow startle Hangyul into that past, uncomfortable, tense self.

Hangyul doesn’t seem to mind, and for a second Seungyoun even imagines him leaning into the touch.

When the younger man faces him with wondering eyes Seungyoun, whispers an explanation.

“You’re weekly check-up with doctor Min,” he says softly, a little worry creeping in his voice, as always when it comes to Hangyul’s health. “For the leg.”

Hangyul’s face lights up in realisation and his ears flush red, just barely, just the very end, but Seungyoun notices immediately and forces down the urge to place his fingertips on that spot, to feel if Hangyul’s ear are really as warmed up in embarrassment as they look.

_ Adorable _. 

It takes him a second to realise that maybe he’s standing a little too close, staring a little too much and so, with a clearly fake cough he takes a step back and goes to the fridge to get some water he doesn’t really need.

He listens as Seungwoo urges Hangyul to get his shoes and jacket and Hangyul complains that June is far too hot for a jacket and turns around just to see Jun coming out of the living room to say bye to the younger.

When Hangyul slaps Wooseok on the shoulder to say bye and hugs Jun, Seungyoun finds himself wishing he could do it too.

It suddenly dawns on him that he and Hangyul rarely ever do skinship anymore and it breaks him a little bit inside. He’s lost count of how many times he felt tugging jealousy in his heart today. 

Jun’s brotherly friendship, Wooseok’s hate-love bickering, Seungwoo’s fatherly concern.

Right now everything feels more appealing and reassuring than the strange limbo his in, stuck between wanting to be Hangyul’s friend and hoping that maybe given time Hangyul might feel the same way.

**

“Wait so you’re giving him the silent treatment just for that?” asks Jun more than a little judgingly and Wooseok looks affronted at the question, but still nods.

“You're about to have a comeback and then a world tour and you choose this time to decide to be an annoying boyfriend and ignore him?” asks the older more in detail and when his friend nods again, with his chin held up high he lets a very genuine:

“Are you really _ that _ stupid?”

Jun looks at Seungyoun in disbelief, hoping for some sort of support and Seugnyoun can only shrug and sigh and give him a look that hopes can describe what he’s thinking ‘_ It’s Wooseok, what did you expect’. _

“It’s not my fault!” fights back Wooseok. 

“He’s the idiot who decided it was okay not to warn his boyfriend he was leaving the country to do Law of the Jungle with one of the most attractive idols around and had the guts to be all chummy with her after they got back!” he says in a whispered shout and Seungyoun thanks god there’s no one around to hear them.

Jun looks so done that Seungyoun almost laughs at the sight and remembers how he had a similar reaction when Wooseok had told him, except Seungyoun had kept the incredulity hidden in his brain.

He watches his best friend sip his americano innocently as Jun takes a deep breath and recollects himself in his usual nice and kind composure, but there’s a strain in his smile and a little bit of crazed frustration in his eyes.

“_Wooseok_..” he starts bringing his palms together. “I listened to you for years going on about how you had a lowkey crush on one of your teammates and then i listened to a year of the two of you tip-toeing around each other.” 

Jun takes another deep breath, his eyes becoming a little desperate.

“You guys are finally together, don’t be an idiot.”

“But Momo…” Wooseok says, his eyes getting wider and leaning a little bit forward to prove a point.

“Momo is dating someone else.” reminds him Jun and Seungyoun raises his eyebrows. _ ‘Right, he forgot about that.’ _

“A superstar that, no offense, could probably buy both you and your boyfriend.”

Wooseok still huffs but Jun isn’t done yet.

“And even if she was single, Jinhyuk is gay. Like actually gay, not pan or bi or anything else, he’s _ gay _.” Jun doesn’t give anyone a second to add something before continuing.

“And even if he was bi or pan, he’s so whipped for you it’s a little embarrassing.”

Wooseok pouts and glares and mutters something under his breath before excusing himself to go to the bathroom but neither Jun nor Seungyoun misses the way he takes his pouch with him and more importantly his phone.

Needless to say, they both know Wooseok will be gone for a little more than a couple of minutes one needs to pee.

They both chuckle and Seungyoun smiles genuinely at Jun before saying something about how he’s impressed with the way Jun handles Wooseok.

“We’ve known each other for some time now, you know?” he replies, shrugging.

“If anything I’m surprised at how you handle Wooseok,” he says with real surprise in his tone. “He’s a hard one to take care, seeing how annoyingly stubborn and fickle he can be. He’s nice and fiercely loving, but he can be maddening when he gets obstinate.”

Seungyoun smiles and shakes his head.

“Nah, I wouldn’t say _ maddening _. More like… frustrating?” he says tentatively.

Jun looks at him with a confused expression and he has a very trust-worthy face that reminds him a little bit of Yibo and he finds himself sighing.

“Well, he’s brave and passionate and no matter all the things that he could risk he still decided to try and confess to Jinhyuk,” he explains.  
“Which regardless of the fact we all knew their attraction and affection was mutual, it’s still admittedly a gutsy thing to do, risk your career and one of your longest friendships.”

He sighs, his eyes getting lost in the reddish hue of the cafè’s wooden table.

“But he’s Wooseok and fate, for once, blessed him and his career is going great, so is Jinhyuk’s. Their friendship is greater than ever, they’re happily and obnoxiously cute together and with the way they keep staring at each other, I say they click in other less… orthodox aspects as well.”

And he’s ranting more to himself than to Jun right now but maybe Jun can’t really hear him with the way he’s mumbling to himself.

“But for some reason, he keeps finding things to complain about. As if he can’t see the way he’s so damn lucky.” He huffs.

There’s a distant sound of the entrance bell ringing, far away from the spot they're sitting at, in the back of the cafè, and it makes Seungyoun tear his eyes away from the reddish-brown table. 

He gives Jun a tense, sheepish smile to which the older doesn’t respond, just stares back with an unreadable face as if he’s trying to find something on the all-rounder’s face.

Seungyoun finds himself unable to keep the eye-contact and glances around awkwardly until Jun relaxes back in his seat.

“Yeah, I get what you mean.” Laughs Jun, but there’s a calculative glint in his eyes that makes him a little bit uncomfortable. “Unrequited feelings can be though and it’s annoying having people who can’t relate to you when it comes to secret feelings.”

Seungyoun wants to butt in and tell Jun that it’s not what he thinks. That it’s not as if Seungyoun has a one-way crush on _ anyone _, but the older has him choking on air with what he says next.

“Maybe you should try talking to Hangyul,” he says softly.

He actually chokes, coughs and has to hit his chest trying to breathe normally but Jun seems to think all is fine and continues to elaborate his thoughts.

“Aside from the fact that Hangyul is someone strangely _ not _ open about his romantic feelings and is a pro at getting secret crushes over people, I feel like maybe it could make for a… eye-opening conversation.” He says and the way Jun sounds so vague and tentative saying all that makes Seungyoun understand that, yes. Jun is speculating in his head and is most likely right.

“Then again I’m not sure, he and I don’t really talk about things like this.” the older says, lighter and more casually as if what he just said wasn’t in a way very eerie. 

Seungyoun desperately wants to talk about something else so he grabs the opportunity as he can. 

“Really? Then what do you talk about?” he says chuckling and tinting his tone with curiosity. 

Jun stares at him for a couple of seconds before letting genuine happiness in his eyes and Seungyoun is reminded why he doesn’t have many actor friends. They can be awfully creepy with the way they can school their expressions.

Jun talks about Hangyul and the way their so unfiltered with each other and how Hangyul looks up to Jun which is crazy because Jun looks up to Hangyul and they have this weird relationship of respect and friendship and sometimes stupid jokes and brother talks about sports, work and food.

And Jun has unparalleled ease in saying these things, and it’s like Seungyoun is listening to himself describing his relationship with Yugyeom in the way it’s pure, fun and uncomplicated bromance.

Wooseok comes back after another ten minutes marking a good, full thirty minutes in the bathroom and Seungyoun kinda wants to joke about how the younger must have eaten something bad to be kept in the bathroom for so long. But Wooseok has such a happy and content smile and he seems so relaxed for the first time in days and he’s a good friend and he doesn’t want to ruin his mood.

Wooseok’s mood gets ruined anyways when he hears how Jun is talking about Hangyul and even if Wooseok won’t ever admit it, both Jun Seungyoun know how much the younger cares for the 99liner so they let him rant and call the not present boy all kinds of synonyms of annoying.

And Jun, just to joke around with Wooseok fights back listing all the good traits that Hangyul has and Seungyoun sometimes butts in, but only to laugh and tease Wooseok.

But still, he’s there listening to two guys talk about the guy he’s in love with and can’t help but let his face fall for a moment, wishing he too could freely say all those things, good and bad, without any trace of heaviness in his heart.

**

Jun doesn’t follow them back to the dorm and calls a cab right in front of the cafè and when he bro hugs Seungyoun with one arm he gives him that strange look again. 

“I told you I don’t really talk with him about this kind of stuff, I can’t really relate. I’m pretty forward with confessions. But from what I can see, Hangyul definitely has something going on in his mind. Someone maybe. Try talking to him next time you feel frustrated about your crush.” 

Jun is whispering this as he moves to get inside the taxi and Seungyoun finds himself leaning inside the car to catch what the older has to say next.

“As I told Wooseok back when he was unsure of what to do. Maybe having a confrontation with a friend might help you understand if it’s truly unrequited.”

Seungyoun has no time to truly read the implications of what he’s just been told and before he knows it Jun is gone, Wooseok whistles as he walks towards their apartment complex and the all-rounder starts walking alongside him, with a wrinkled forehead and a hundred thoughts.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLOOOOOOOOOOO!
> 
> long time no seeeeeee heheh  
i know it's been a while and maybe you totally forgot about this fic, but it was painful writing not d* worded X1 and i had to take some time off X1 canon-compliant and then uni got in the way and it's actually still in the way so i dont know when the next update will be but i felt the need to continue lately as i plan to finish this by x1's anniversary.
> 
> as you can see we now have the final number of chapters, not that they're done or anything but yeah we're almost at the end. but yeah im ignoring the d* and also to make things easier for the original flow and plot of the story there is no pandemic in this one.
> 
> LAST BUT NOT LEAST. IF YOU HAVEN'T ALREADY PLEASE SUPPORT AS YOU CAN THE #BLM MOVEMENT, whether it's through donating, signing petitions, protesting or even just spreading awareness and educating others.  
PLEASE DONT TREAT THE PAST DAYS HAPPENINGS AS A TREND. DONT EVER STOP FIGHTING AND SUPPORTING THOSE WHO ARE FIGHTING. 
> 
> AND ALSO HAPPY PRIDE MONTH YA'LL, STAY SAFE AND TAKE CARE. I LOVE YOU ALL. 
> 
> (as always you can find me on twt @stantwtjade // @sun_shinejade, let's be buddies <3)


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